Dating Magazine

Naughty Stories

By Lolamillierose
Naughty Stories
In everyday life you always hear stories about people going on nights out and getting themselves into stupid situations because they have consumed way too much alcohol and most of the time end up doing things they would then later come to regret and spend many days, weeks even cringing over or as my house mate would say "expelling the demons". I mean why is it that after a few drinks we seem to not care about our own safety or dignity? You always say to yourself "oh id never do that, how can they be so stupid"but your only kidding yourself and denying the inevitable because you know that when you have a few cocktails in you that you are just the same or maybe even worse.
Things that me and my 2 friends have achieved over the years whilst under the influence of Mr Malibu, Mr Vodka and Mr Sambuca(We hold our heads high for some and in shame for the others)Flashing our breasts to bouncers, bar staff and random menFalling down many flights of stairs only to end up in front of a bunch of police officers3 girls taking advantage of your male friend in a swimming pool - including 3way BJProjectile vomiting up a populated streetHaving a strange yet attractive man put his hands down your pants for a while sat outside a barPulling another girls hair outFlashing your arse to random peopleSex on a beach with a stranger who has a very small willyGetting your bf's name tattooed on your bodyGoing out in pajamas (not on purpose)Begging a bouncer to allow you into a strip club and saying that you can finger girls better than any of the other girls insideBring strangers homeAllowing your married neighbor to kiss you whilst his wife is asleep in the next roomCalling your boy crush more than 20 times Having loud sex with someone you shouldn't be having sex with whilst there are other people in the room next to who can hear everythingOral sex in a moving car driven by one of the participants Having sex with your friends bf3 someKissing a lad 8 years your junior - he was also underage
Yes i can guess what your thinking...........SLUTS! Well we aren't, well not always at least. Just at times when we are under the influence of lots and lots of alcohol. So if your reading this list thinking "i don't want to be like them" then don't, this lifestyle doesn't work for everyone, it doesn't even work for us at the best of times but we love our life and our memories...........the ones we choose to remember any.
Unfortunately this is one memory that i will never forget.
We had road tripped it to Spain (942 mile drive) for a lovely 4 week holiday. During that time we went on many nights out, but the memory of one of those nights has stuck with me and i am sharing it with you today. I had celebrated my 21st Birthday a couple of weeks before and still had a magnum bottle of Dom Perignon left, so me and my friend decided to open it and drink it before we went out. So the 2 of us polished off the bottle nicely as well as having a few glasses of Malibu & coke and Vodka & coke. When we got out to the bars we were absolutely smashed and ended up chatting with a guy from london which enabled us to use one of our favorite quotes of all time,
I LOVE YOU MAN - "you sound like your form London"
Which always goes down well as about 20 minutes later after meeting him we were in a taxi with him back to his villa, why we chose his villa is still a mystery to me as we were staying in a gorgeous villa owned by my family. So anyways after about 15minutes we pull up to this guys place and before we know it we are in his kitchen, suddenly i get this feeling creeping all over my body that we shouldn't be there. Why are we there, Where was it where we actually were and why did we leave a populated bar to go back to a strangers house. That question stumped me for a while as it had all happened so fast. So my drunken self thought i needed to protect myself so i grabbed the closest thing to me that could be used as a weapon........... a spatula, and i began waving it around in the air like i was a super hero and this thing held all my special powers. Weird. I then made my way out to the pool wanting to entertain myself as the realisation of where we were and what was expected of us had sobered me up a little, after splashing my feet about in the shallow end for a few moments i looked up towards the house to see my friend on her knees with this guys "man meat" in her mouth........... awkward. haha. But then as he decided to try and be a bit more thrusty she decided she wanted to join me outside. Once shed made her way over to me we both knew that neither of us wanted to be there, but then an even more sobering thought became apparent, how the hell would we leave without him noticing.............. Music. So after he wandered back into the house to set the mood with a little background noise we made a run for it across the garden over to the gate which we bolted through not as gracefully and stealthily as id of liked as the strap on my shoe broke freeing it from my foot and sending it flying in the wrong direction, i made the quick decision that i could live without it and just buy myself another pair the next day if i managed to make it home alive. So we then both did our best attempt to run as fast up this hill as possible because in moments like these a nice levelled out road would be to easy, the big guy up in the sky wanted to make us work for it most probably as punishment for what we had just brought upon ourselves. Finally we managed to crouch behind a car, as we were scared incase the guy had decided to follow us. While we waited we decided to record ourselves on my camera leaving our parents some shred of evidence to help find our lifeless bodies + we were also still very drunk so we found it all quite amusing. Waiting for him to come looking for us didn't take long but thankfully it wasn't long after till he gave up and headed back to the bar, well i'm guessing thats where he went. 
Yes we were safe, we were completely safe and didn't have to hide anymore, we could call a taxi and go home, there was no way we were going back out, we didn't want to risk bumping into him again. Then yet another sobering thought became apparent, where the hell were we? How could we call for a taxi when we didn't know where to tell them to pick us up from. Shit. We spent the next 3 hours wandering around literally going in circles on this large property complex, every road we walked down ended up taking us back to the one we just left. It was our mission to get home and we were failing miserably. To add to our frustration, my mobile had 3% battery life left so wherever we were we needed to find out fast. To kill some time my friend decides that she can no longer hold her bladder so she ends up walking over to the round about just ahead, pulling down her nickers and pees right there in the middle of the street, theres nothing worse than having to drip dry (whatever happens on holiday, stays on holiday) Finally as the sun began to rise up in the sky......... Yes it was now morning, we managed to get some sort of idea as to where we were, so we called up our friend who cleverly decided to have an early night at the villa and not join us on this night out and got her to call up a taxi for us and give them the vague description of where we were. Finally the big guy in the sky decided to throw us a bone as a pair of headlights appeared at the top of the road, Success, the taxi was here to pick us up.
So, to all the girls out there getting ready for a night out, if you do decide to make some silly choices whilst drunk, just make sure you live through it because they do make for some funny stories. At least i can say i have 2 of the greatest friends and we have created some amazing memories together over the years and we will continue to do so. But thats what life is all about, living it. To not live your life is the greatest tragedy, we are not on this world for long, so best make an adventure out of it as we wont be here forever.  

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