Na

Just a quick post to let you know that I did it!
I went to the meeting
I can't quite believe it
It's been 2 years since I was last at a meeting
And I finally got my bony bum there
Today was hard
I argued with myself all day
Picked up my phone numerous times to cancel
But I couldn't think of a reason so I didn't
I wasn't sure how much medication to take today as I didn't want to be drowsy
But I also didn't want to be anxious so I finally decided to take the recommended daily dose
I wasn't as anxious as I thought I would be
I wasn't as scared as I thought I would be
It would have been so easy to let my eating disorder and addiction win
It would have been so easy to stay at home in my safe little bubble
It's would have been easy to go in to hiding
But I didn't
I went
And now I feel so good
My friend and her boyfriend picked me up about 8pm
We chatted the whole way there and anything and everything
My friends boyfriend reminded me that the last time I saw him was about a year ago
I remember I met him at a garage
I told him I would see him at the next meeting
It's hard to believe that a whole year passed by before I got to that meeting
We arrived at the venue and there was both an NA meeting and an AA  meeting on
I decided to go to the NA
It was a small meeting
Just 7 of us
I spoke only briefly
It was so good to listen to the others
They talked so much sense
And so positive
So real
Exactly what I needed
I met a girl there that I haven't seen in years
The last time I saw her she was in a bad way
She had an eating disorder and addiction issues
To listen to her tonight was amazing
She has come so far
And she helps others with eating disorders
We spoke after the meeting
She asked me how my eating was going
I told her the truth
How I was stuck in the binge purge cycle
How I nearly didn't go tonight as I thought I was so fat
She told me that I was the thinnest person she had seen in a long time
Boy did my eating disorder love to hear that
I'm back home and I feel tired but so glad that I went
I am so grateful to my friend and her boyfriend
To have people like that in my life
I feel positive
I feel hopeful
I feel alive