Readers, I have a confession to make.
I have an abusive relationship. I don't really know when it turned abusive, because at one time it was normal.
Fear not, this is not an abusive relationship with a person. No. I have an abusive relationship with unhealthy food.
When I was younger, I was fairly active. I did some sort of sport from age five all the way until my freshman year in high school. Because I was so active, I didn't have to worry too much about my weight. I never had a problem with gaining weight or being overweight. My mom also kept fairly strict tabs on our diet. We were only allowed one sweet snack a day and soda was a special privilege reserved for dinners out, family pizza night, or popcorn after church on Sundays.
But when I started to get older and began to hang out with my friends, work outside the home, etc. and my mom didn't have as much control over what I eat, I generally ate whatever I wanted. I got fast food or Chinese takeout on my lunch break at work. I drank soda and ate junk food when I hung out with my friends.
And by the time I graduated high school I had gained 25 pounds. I was on the edge of being overweight for my height and bone structure. My first semester after high school, I went on a three-month singing tour. In the first two weeks I lost five pounds because we were in rehearsal camp and I spent about 8 hours a day dancing. But then tour began and instead of spending 8 hours a day learning new dance routines, I spent 6+ hours each day sitting on a bus and 2 hours each night performing a show that my body very quickly became used to. I had little to no control over my diet because my host families provided breakfast and lunch and the host church provided dinner.
Three months later, when I arrived home, I had gained another 10 pounds. I was now very solidly overweight for my height and bone structure.
Over the last four years, I have stayed right around that same weight. I would lose weight, then gain it back. During the fall semester of my senior year, I gained about 12 pounds, but I was able to lose it all and keep it off during the spring semester.
In January, I started working with a personal trainer at my work gym. Since January, I've been fairly consistent with working out at least three times a week, incorporating both strength training and cardio. I've started running a 5K on the treadmill at least once a week in preparation for The Color Run in September.
But still, I haven't really lost much weight. And I stopped to ask myself why this was the case and I realized it's due to my abusive relationship with unhealthy food.
I know that unhealthy food is bad for me. I know that it's alright to indulge in moderation and that many people say it's much healthier to indulge occasionally than completely deprive yourself in an effort to be "healthy" because then you often end up overindulging later. I know that I usually feel awful after I eat a lot of unhealthy food. I know that I feel lethargic and tired and gross and ugly.
I also know that eating healthier food will help me lose weight. I know that healthy food will not only have an effect on the way I look but the way that I feel. I know that healthy food will improve my overall health. I know that healthy food will make me feel better. I know that healthy food will give me more energy, improve my skin, help my joints, decrease my fat, and many other things.
If I know all these things, that unhealthy food has all these cons and healthy food has all these pros...then why do I keep going back to unhealthy food over and over again?
It's because I have an abusive relationship.
There's this allure of sweetness, or saltiness, or carbonation, or yummy carbs or whatever. And it calls me back in, over and over again. And I bask in its loveliness and its yumminess...and then it punches me in the stomach and slaps me in the face.
And so I'm trying really hard now to break out of this abusive cycle I've been stuck in.
My first semester in college I got into a pretty good rhythm. I ate healthy during the week and allowed myself one dessert a week. Friday dinner I allowed myself a bacon burger and fries and I allowed myself to not be so stringent during the weekend, but didn't go overboard. I was also going to the gym at least three times a week, and two months later I had dropped almost 10 pounds. But then life happened.
So that's what my plan is for now. I'm doing really well with the gym so now I just need to get on the healthy eating train. Yesterday I was mostly successful, although I did have two Girl Scout Trefoils last night but it was a weird day and I was superbly, over-the-top emotional.
What suggestions do you guys have for healthy eating? Do you find it's easiest to find a partner to encourage your? How about calorie counting or keeping a food diary? Any and all tips are welcome!
PS. Sorry for no Office Boy post today. It's been a crazy couple of weeks for him at the office, but we should have the conclusion to his commentary (but not the conclusion to the Saga!) on Friday. :)
