Monday

Just like Sunday is the day of restMonday is the day of the doctorI rose while it was still darkStumbled to the kitchen Where Honey and Lea greeted meI must have got up at some point in the nightAnd let them in to the kitchen Although I have no memory of doing so It's like Lea knows it's Monday morningAs she is always rearing to goHoney was less keen to venture outsideAnd had to be coaxed in to the carI drove slowly to townAs were experiencing the tail end of storm Desmond at the moment There is much flooding and damage done in the area My neighbours whole patio blew away this weekend We arrived at the doctors safely And my mom went to walk the dogsWhile I went to the surgery
I was called in the minute I sat downI was also planning to tell my doctor about my food issues at the moment We talked about the storm for a few minutes Then I broached the subject of my EDHe weighed me And checked his computer for my weight records But the only weights he had recorded was when I was really under weightAnd the last weight he recorded was under 40 kilosHe obviously stopped recording my weight when I began to recover So he had nothing to reference fromBut by my calculations I've lost 14 pounds since the incident with the navy jeans My doctor to me he would keep an eye on it But the was no need to worry yetThen he said that he has a patient in treatment And their goal weight was the same as my current weightWay to make me feel like my problems matter 
I then went and collected my meds in the pharmacy And headed back down to the surgery to see Breda I haven't seen her in over a monthSo there was much to catch up onI brought her up to speed on everythingMy meds The methadone reduction MeetingsI also told her about my struggling with foodHow the purging has increased And my weight headed south She asked me what had triggered thisAnd all I could think of Was the day I tried on my navy trousers And couldn't fasten them Breda is greatThe best addiction counselor that I've ever seenShe always has good common senseAnd practical advice She encouraged me to ring Mary againAnd maybe get some top up sessions to get me back on trackSo I will give Mary a ring todayAnd hopefully will be able to see her this side of Christmas My weight is now on the very low side of healthy And is still dropping rapidly I know if I don't do something soonThat I will be I deep trouble I can't afford to lose any more 
Breda also asked me how I am spending my days I gave her an idea She told me that it is really important that I have an occupationA reason to get up in the morning To mix with others And push out of my comfort zone She makes a lot of sense with this I'm really not doing a whole lot at the moment Outside of taking care of my dogsAnd writing my blog Breda said thdt I am too young to be sitting at home on my laurels I need to get out and about Socialise Do new thingsAnd things that I enjoy She is really on the ball in this regard My life is very limited at the momentI dont see a lot of people outside of my family I also don't go out a whole lotAnd when I doI am always anxious to get homeBreda also asked about meetings And if I was attending Unfortunately I haven't been going Breda said that all I have to do is go once or twice a weekAnd I don't have to speak if I don't want toAnd I guess I don't Knowing that I don't have to speak does lessen the anxiety So I hope to go back soon
As for me  I'm trying desperately to hang on to my recovery What's left of it Every day it's a battleBut it's one thdt I refuse to lose