I get habit expert
James Clear’s newsletter every week. He recently shared this thought (my emphases):
“The bad workouts are the most important ones. It’s easy to train when you feel good, but it’s crucial to show up when you don’t feel like it — even if you do less than you hope.
“Going to the gym for 15 minutes might not improve your performance, but it reaffirms your identity. It’s not always about what happens during the workout. It’s about becoming the type of person who doesn’t miss workouts.”
It’s a powerful insight, no joke. We need to keep reaffirming our identity if we want to become the person we want to be.
On the other hand, it got me thinking (in a not-so-serious way) about what certain “types” need to do to “reaffirm their identities,” and stay in shape.
* * * * * * *
Weight Lifter: Buy 100-lb sacks of carrots at Costco. Go to softball games and lift benches while the teams are sitting on them. Sneak into hospitals and bench-press people having MRIs in those giant tube thingies.
Gunslinger: Wear a black hat, even when you go to church. Provoke people. Elbow your way to the front of the line at bake sales. Tell the cocky kid wearing a gun that his sister smells like a cow pie.
Soap Opera Star: Cheat on your spouse. If you’re not married, cheat on your dog. Go to a hospital and tell the person at the Help desk you were switched at birth.
Kamala Harris Assistant: She burns through staff, so develop a thick skin. Work in tech support. Handle billing questions at a hospital. Steel yourself for sheiks of laughter. Get a pet hyena.
Taylor Swift Fan: Hire a seamstress to recreate Tay Tay’s costumes. Wear them to Tortured Poetry slams. Break someone’s heart and write a song about it. Sneer at guys and call them “Mr. Perfectly Fine.”
Red Shirt Person on Star Trek: Lie on the floor and have your parrot say, “Awwkk! He’s dead, Jim.” Go to an Orioles game at Camden Yards. Park 15 blocks away so you have a long walk back to your car. Wear lots of jewelry and flash your bankroll.
Desert Island Cartoon Character: Buy a potted palm and sit under it with some dead fish. Stop bathing, stop shaving (the Gender Police won’t allow me to tell you where). Wear cutoff shorts. Don’t forget to fray the edges.
Purse Snatcher: Steal the flea collar off your dog. If he’s a St. Bernard, steal his barrel, too. Find a hiking trail and steal people’s water bottles.
Consignment Store Addict: Go to supermarkets and buy stuff from the Reduced For Quick Sale shelf. Put on a raccoon costume and raid your neighbors’ garbage cans.
Cos-Play and Comic-Con Enthusiast: Walk up to people dressed as Deadpool and cry, “Hello, fellow mutant!” Hitchhike dressed as Batman with a sign that says, “The Batmobile failed inspection.” Knock on doors dressed as Mario The Plumber and say, “I’m here to fix your toilet.”
Mall Santa: Grow a beard and stick lollipops and bubble gum in it. Find some obnoxious kids and smile and pretend you like them. Sit in a chair for as long as you can without going to the bathroom.
Bot: Hack Kamala’s YouTube ads and give her a MAGA hat. Hack Trump’s ads and have Stormy Daniels peek over his shoulder and wink. Create a phony Facebook account for a little handicapped girl in Kansas selling homemade cornflakes to support a family of 11.
Polka Musician: Crash Polish wedding receptions. Play outside the Stars of the Lawrence Welk Show Theater in Branson, Missouri. Start an organic pest removal business guaranteed to drive out mice, skunks, and raccoons.
Crossword Fanatic: Find a shower with ceramic tiles and fill in all the white squares. Go to a zoo and fill in the zebras. Check the bottom of your parrot cage and see if the newspaper’s got a crossword you forgot to do.
Hiker: Go to the mall and walk up all the Down escalators. Pretend you’re Frodo: buy a ring at the Dollar Store, then hike out in the backyard and throw it in the fire pit.
