Lifestyle Magazine

Losing Someone You Love

By Itsmelcas @itsmelcas
A story never told - - - Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult

She was stupid, she became pathetic , but she learned to love compassionately in the end. 
He showed up unexpectedly in my life, seeing him in the hallways, malls, school, beside lockers, who knew he will be my first boyfriend, my first love.
She was perfectly happy with her childish, cheerful life, more than happy enough just to be with her girl friends during the lunch time in school, changing her courses to be with her friends in class, skipping school to spend all day at the mall, checking out guys, watching Family channel, wishing to have her own ipod and cellphone. The girl was completely happy with her apple and sandwich for her everyday lunch. This girls' little happiness was to throw jokes at her friends, shopping for clothes, going to parks, and one word she's bubbly. When she got her pink camera , she will always bring her camera with her and capture every single moment with her friends. She's undeniably happy. Listening to her ipod, she randomly smiles.
As days and months passed by, summer comes along. A friend asked her if she wanted to go to  a concert, of course the girl agreed, it will be fun, and exciting, little did she know this is the start of it, the start of having a first boy and girl relationship. They barely know each other, only by names, and by faces, nothing more than that. Since she is the camera girl, she will always take pictures of everything, so when the guy wanted to see some of the pictures from the concert, he asked for the girls email address, that`s when it all started, they started being friends at social websites, next thing you know they are messaging each other. They would talk about everything, it was like getting to know each other portion. She told the guy she never had a boyfriend before because she`s from an all girl school, funny thing is the girl is even scared of approaching a guy. The guy started talking about his past relationship, girls he likes, and other random things. They will talk every night. Weeks later, there will be fireworks, all her friends are going and invited other people. They sat beside each other the whole time, but they don`t really talk much. After fireworks, they continued hanging out with other friends, they went swimming, going to the mall, going to the park, and skipping classes. But they never hang out just the two of them. Until one day the girl told her friends she wants to admit something but she`s shy , until she blurted out and said she has a crush on him. Few months after, school starts they will see each other everyday in school,  one time at the mall when all their friends are at the food court, the guy asked the girl if she wanted to go with him to buy food. The girl agreed, the guy grabbed the girls` hand, she didn`t take it out, the guy said he wanted to tell her something, the guy asked if she noticed anything, the girl said no and asked if there`s any thing he would like to say. In the afternoon, the guy decided to walk to girl home, the guy asked again do you notice anything, the girl said you should be the one telling me, the guy said he will say it next time. Few steps away from the girls` house, he told the girl I LIKE YOU, and hugged her, the girl laughed and said really, stop joking, the guy said I am serious. The girl walked home and texted a friend and told her what happened, at night they talked again and the guy said I hope it doesn`t feel weird or awkward, she said it`s totally cool. The guy asked if she can court her, the girl said yes, of course ! Why not right ? She's crushing on him already so what the hey ! As days passed by, the guy will always walk the girl home, started holding hands, everything felt great, everything seems to be perfectly wonderful, everyday the girl develops feelings for the guy until she realized she's in love with the guy. The guy told the girl he loves her but during the month, she would reply with a smiley face because she wanted to make sure about her feelings, November 17, 2008 the two decided to go to the park, the guy embraced the girl, and told her I LOVE YOU, the girl responded, I LOVE YOU TOO. That moment was the happiest moment in the girls' life as a teenager. First kiss, First boyfriend, First everything, They spent their first Halloween by trick or treating, and for the first time went out just by the two of them. First few months were all so great, eating out together just the two of them, taking pictures, changing facebook statuses, giving each others passwords, first movie, introducing to parents. The girl is all new to this but she was extremely happy. But slowly things changes, everyday they would learn more about each other, there will be arguments, the guy seems to be very touchy in public, the girl would stop him and they will fight, the girl would leave, but they patch things up eventually. The girl got used to it and she let it go. They would skip school to be with each other, they changed their course to have a class together. They just like spending time with each other, and slowly they became more attached. First thing in the morning in school they are already together, leave at lunch time together and spend the rest of the afternoon skipping. Things changed as months passed by, he became tight, the girl isn't allowed to do things, very childish thing but the girl listened to him just cause she loves him. Even though the girl complains she still does it, when ever she hangs out with friends he calls him half the time, she needs to text back fast, she needs to make her profile picture the two of them, she's not allowed to talk to guys, he even stopped her to swim even though her girlfriend has been swimming all her life, just cause the guy doesn't want the girl wearing a swim suit. The girls ' feeling developed more and more everyday and she learned to get jealous, she started changing her clothes, her style, because she's afraid to lose him, but the guy didn't really appreciate it, he will constantly get mad at her and start fighting, the girl would accuse him of looking at other girls, until at times they would walk in the mall, the girl would walk away and the guy would drag her. They have constant fights, but they fix things eventually over the night. The girl admits she can be stubborn and mean, but the guy will understand her, there were few times they almost broke up out of silly things, but they worked things out.  There was a time the girl slapped him when she gets mad , there was even a time the guy mad at her and threw a key chain given by the girl and walked away, they both walked away and before that she picked up the key chain, the guy followed her and the girl was crying and gave the key chain back to the guy, it was one of the nicest moments when they guy asked, you picked it up? She said yes. They have sweet moments , they also have ugly moments like a normal couple.
After a year or two, things changed, when they fight, the guy would leave her in the mall, the girl will ask her to come back , it happened few times, sometimes it's raining and the girl will put an umbrella on top of the head of the guy, he would walk away. He would just ignore the sweet things the girl would do for him. As a couple there are thousands of reason why they will break up but if you truly love each other, there will always be a thousands of way why to keep holding on.
High School days are about the end, the high school lovers are going to be growing apart, focus on working or going to college, it means they won't see each other everyday like they used too. The girl got used to the fact that they see each other everyday, and she missed it, even though they text a lot, it isn't the same. For the past years the guy was always there for her, when she needs someone to talk too about problems or basically just anything. After highschool, they both started working, the guy waits for her at work , and the girl does the same thing to the guy.
Another year passed by, the girl had to move to an island, it's an hour away from the city, meaning they will barely see each other, the guy would visit her at times, and the girl would always visit her when ever she can. They would do video chats, long phone calls, but they needed trust. The guy will always ask the girl to send images what she will be wearing that day , and if the guy doesn't like it she needs to change, it cannot be something showy. The girl listened to the guy, no matter how shallow it is she would send images to him. They will always fight and there was a point in time when the guy was very tight to the girl, but he slowly started ignoring her girlfriend, he barely calls and text. The girl was hurt, she still stayed, but when her feelings were hurting, she tried reaching out to the guy, but the guy ignored her. She started talking to other people, until she decided to do the biggest mistake in her life that ruined everything. She started talking to a " nice " guy and venting her feelings to him about her boyfriend , little did she know the guy is up to no good. When her boyfriend was completely out of sight she broke up with her telling her true feelings that even though she loves him, she feels like she completely ignored her . After that long message all he said was ok. The girl was down and devastated, she doesn't know how to handle her feelings. The guy she vented too asked her out, she agreed only because she was so down and just wanted to feel happy. She thought that was a good idea, but she realized it wasn't She doesn't really like the guy, she only liked him as a friend, buddy or companion, she only agreed to go out because the attention and support the guy was giving that her boyfriend didn't show.
Her boyfriend came back and asked her to go back to her, the girl was scared to go back because what if her boyfriend ignores her again, as if he's showing he doesn't love her anymore. But the girl really wanted to go back to her boyfriend she just didn't know how to stop going out with the other guy. She doesn't have feelings for  the other guy but she doesn't know the right words to tell him. But all along the girl knows who she wanted all along, her long term relationship boyfriend. Her boyfriend would ask her to leave the other guy, it took months but she left him for him because she realized the mistake she has done. The girl came back to her boyfriend, but he said it was too late, just for a few days, he said it was too late, the girl did everything she could  to talk to him, she made a letter about how they met up and all the memories they had. She bought him an anniversary gift, but the guy rejected him. The girl would beg for the guys' love but he left her. The girl came home to the island ended up calling her boyfriend every day, trying to reach out , email him about her feelings, but the guy said he doesn't like her anymore, the girl didn't give up on him. The guy said he will take her back because she said she'll do everything for him and that includes being hurt. He wanted her to get hurt too but because the girl loves him, she agreed.  For almost 5 months, it was an on and off relationship, the girl lose her job, stopped working, and decided to come back to the city just to be near him so they can fix things, her plan didn't work well as she'd hope. The guy leaves the girl when ever he wanted too, would nag him to give back the money she owed when she doesn't have money, the girl got a job and started working, she was able to pay him. Even though she was back in the city, it was still an on and off relationship, he would leave her alone, she was like a doormat. He ignored her completely, tells her that its better to stop seeing each other, not to depend on their relationship, he would hurt her but the girl would talk to him and ask to fix things. For weeks they would be back together, next thing you know he's leaving her again.
Through the course of relationship the girl was deeply sorry for all the wrong things she has done, she devoted her time for the guy, she would wait for him at work, buy a drink for him because she knows he's tired and hungry, buy dinner for him, treat him to lunch when they go out, when ever the guy needs help she will help her as long as she knows she can. She would buy him stuff specially if she knows her boyfriend really likes it. She cooks food for him, even bake, little things that doesn't cost any money , she thought he would appreciate it. The girl would wait for him everyday, if the guy asks her to come with him, she would no matter how tired she was from work.
There was a point in time in the relationship when things got ugly, he hurts her physically and emotionally, push her out of the car when he's pissed, the girl would wait for him to calm down, even though she was not sure anymore of what the the true feelings of her boyfriend was, she continued loving him even though there was nothing in return. After all the time and care the girl gave to his boyfriend, his boyfriend ignored her, one last time the girl talked to her and finally said even though she still wants to hold on she feels like her boy friend is gone. There's nothing to hold on to anymore. He agreed. The girl said she loves him so much that she was his dream but she knows that she's not the guys' dream, so she said she won't be selfish and is willing to give up her dream just for his boyfriend to find his own dream. The girl went home and an hour later she called her boyfriend and asked to her one last time. He agreed, when they met up, the girl gave her things that she knows would help him when she's gone. She gave him a Subway gift card incase he gets hungry because she's not there to pick him up anymore. A best buy gift card to help him buy the thing he likes, a band aid because he knows he would get cuts from work, stuff for his car and greeting cards to greet him in advance because the girl won't be around anymore when special events happen in his life. The guy teared up and said I LOVE YOU but not to depend on the relationship anymore. That was a hint. But as days pass by he would treat her nicely, they would go out, eat out, he will say I love you, A week after, Monday comes he took her to a place that the girl has been wanting to go with him ever since, she was sooo happy and thought it was the start of a happy relationship again. She was all wrong , two days after the guy stopped texting her, he only said not to bother him with his studies because it stresses him. The girl felt sad and didn't message him the whole day. At night she did, why? it was their monthsary.
May 17, 2012 she greeted him, after an hour or less, the guy replied and said HE CAN'T SEE HER ANYMORE MY GRADES ARE DROPPING BYE . The girl's heart crushed into pieces, she called and text till he picked up and said he doesn't want to be with her anymore, the girl asked what did she do , he said NOTHING. He said I'll pay you back with everything I owe you, the girl said don't because she doesn't want to end their relationship involving money. HE HANG UP. She didn't know what to do. She texted him saying everything will be okay but he never replied. Two days after she called him, he hung up. She messaged him everything that she wanted to tell the guy over the phone, it was long message including how much he loves him and that if he thinks it will be best for him to leave her , she would let him go, no matter how hurtful it is for her, she would understand him, that she will KEEP HIM IN HIS HEART FOREVER.  The guy never replied. It's been a week, she knows he will never talk to him again.
The girl wanted to beg for his boyfriend to come back, but she didn't because she believes that if the guy is true and sincere about his feelings, she doesn't have to work to gain his love for her. She let him go instead because she can't afford to be with a guy who isn't happy anymore with her. She loves him that's why he let him go. She told herself not to bother him anymore so he wont resent her.
She was so devastated and decided to leave everything behind, quit her job, gave up school, she couldn't focus , she stopped going out of the house, times she would sleep at her mom's room because of her fear of being alone, she would wake up in the morning with her heart unstable, it wouldn't beat normally. She's so depressed that every night she would ask herself after 3 and a half years, he left and disappeared, why? She would be crying till she fall asleep. After all the efforts she showed, after all the time she gave , he ignored it.
After caring for him, after loving him, he threw it all away.
She was always there for him, he just didn't see it. But truth is, even though she was always there for him, he was never there for her.
She kept holding on, but all he ever did was push her away.
When they broke up, it's not because they lost love for each other, it's because one just didn't love enough.
She knows he didn't treat her as nicely as expected, it's not because she doesn't see it or feel it, she felt it, but she stayed because she actually loves him. Come to think of it he probably treated her badly and coldly because he wanted her to break up with him already, maybe who knows right? Maybe the girl was just too in love to see it.
She lost her identity when started dating him, she forgot about herself, forgot about her dreams, she was shattered that she couldn't pick herself up. Until one day she woke up, she decided that she will be starting fresh , that she will be leaving everything behind and move to a different country. Her family supported her decision because they know its for her own good, they will let her go because it also hurts for them to see their daughter very depressed.
Hope that along the way she will find her self again, learn to love her self once again and find peace and happiness in her heart. She will forgive and forget , to mold herself to be stronger and to be happy because once she had that relationship.
No matter how much she loves him, she had to set him free, he will always be in her heart, there are no regrets because she knows when he left, he has lost loved for her and one day she will learn to accept it and start living life to the fullest again. There will be hundreds of people who will be able to read this, but one thing for sure is he wont be able too. Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him
After a 3 and a half year of relationship, he ended it this way, he disappeared all of a sudden. She misses him everyday, She wonders does he ever miss me too? She thinks not, She knows he will do everything to forget her. She is leaving because she want to find herself again, She's leaving because she's not ready to see him,She's leaving because she know he wants me too.
If one day he came across and see this, She wants him to know how thankful she is to have you, for allowing her to love you, no matter how hurtful her first relationship was she knows until the end she was able to show him how much she loves him. How much she cares for him.Deep down, she knows he won't come back --- Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.

Noon minahal ka niya. Akala mo forever pero iniwan ka rin niya. Pinipilit mong ibalik ang noon pero hindi mo kaya. Sino ngayun ang manhid? Siya dahil hindi niya maramdamang mahal mo siya? O ikaw kasi hindi mo matanggap na ayaw na niya?
Her first kiss . Her first boyfriend .  Her first date. Her first love. Her first heart break . 

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