Community Magazine

Long Day and Lots to Learn

By Rubytuesday
I had a full day of training yesterdayHence why I didn't postBy the time I got home My brain was throbbing with the amount of information I absorbed So yesThe other new girl, Sinead, and I were in yesterday I thought we were just going over a couple of things But we were there for six hours in totalAnd boy was there a lot to take inAgainGeorgina was training us And againShe was super clear and direct about what we need to doAnd what is expected of usShe went through a massive folder with us Of policies and procedures She gave us a huge aray of scenarios that might happen while we are on dutyIt really was an eye openerAs Georgina told us story after story Some very distressing She told us about the broad spectrum of people who will be staying in the centreFrom women's groups To families To single people To old peoples groups Also people with mental health issues And addictionShe talked about drugs quite a bit And I could feel myself becoming uncomfortable And began to wonder if I should tell her about my own addiction history I have told her about my ED But have not divulged anything about drugs I decided to hold off until I was on my own with her We had a lunch break at 1pmAnd we went down to the old folks house for a much needed cuppaMyself and Sinead bonded over our respective piercings I was told yesterday That I might have to remove my piercings Which is annoying But nothing was said today So I'm hoping they won't bring it up againSinead is lovely She's 19And full of energy Mentally I think I am around her age So I think we'll get on wellAfter lunch It was back to run through fire drills Panic buttons And so on We finished up around 4pmAnd I was glad to get out and get some fresh airWe do have a dress code Which is dark trousers and a dark or white topSo I'm just organising what I do have I have a few pairs of black trousers All different sizes of course But I'm sure I'll find something suitable 
Today again Georgina held me back to have a chat with me She is keeping an eye on meAnd asked me how I felt about the job now And did I think it would be too much I was honest with her And told her that I bounced from being super excited To being completely terrifiedI also decided to tell her about my drug history She took it wellI asked if it changed anything she said not at allBut to not tell everyone about it Which I wouldn't anyway I explained that I have been stable a long time And have great support She asked about these supports And what my family thought of my taking this jobI told her that my Mum thinks this will be fantastic for me And my whole family is behind meGeorgina can see that I am lacking confidence But she said working in the center will be perfect for meAnd that I will flourish there She also told me that I did a great interview back a few months agoAnd that there was a genuine warmth off me Which was lovely to hear I guess when I feel myself wobble about the jobI refer to my Mum and GeorginaTwo strong smart women Who have looked me in the eye And told me with such convictionThat I can do this And not only can I do it I will be good at itIt's great to have others believe in you When you have very little faith in yourselfI came home yesterday evening Absolutely knackered My head hurt with the amount of information that it processedI told my Mam all about the house and the training Man thinks it sounds like the perfect place for me to restart my working lifeBecause the center is non profitThey are not driven by money So where as in one of the hotels I would just be a number In this job I am Ruby And Georgina makes it very clear that she wants it to work for me as much as she wants it to work for the centreWhich is why she is so accommodating with the hoursI know I am blessed to work in such a place It's a place where I can get a good foundation of confidence and skillsAnd then being so understanding about my conditions is just a breath of fresh air 
So I have a few days off now I'm back in for training next Tuesday and Thursday Then have my first love shift FridayI'm using my days off to recharge To relax To go to my meetings And horse riding To make sure my recovery is on track And that all my ducks are in a row It's funny Now that I have more in my life My ED and addiction have taken a back seat Of course Life is not perfect But now my mind is not preoccupied with thoughts of food and weight I don't have a scales So I don't weigh myself And I don't miss it As long as my clothes fit And I feel good Well that's all that matters I can't lie I still purge from time to time But it is no where near they way it was When I was purging 10 - 20 times a day I swear I wonder how I managed to get to the age of 34 in one piece!But I did I'm still alive and kicking And ready to face another challengeIt's strange to think that as recently as Christmas I was really struggling But as I always say As quickly as things can go belly upThey can also turn around just as fast And I am writing this post To let you know That there is most definitely life after an eating disorder and addictionThis is not a fluke Or an accident My recovery is down to hard work and determinationI truly believe that anything is possible if you put your mind to it I am living proof that your life could be in the toilet But you can still climb out And live a full life I remember Mary saying to me that positivity breeds positivity The same with energy Once you see a glimpse of what life could be like It's a huge reason to keep goingOf course My life is not perfect I struggle day to day With eating enough With body image With self confidence and self esteem I am too hard on myself And doubt myself a lot But I am doing the best that I can with what I have gotThat's all any of us can do So please Today Take some comfort in knowing that I was in the gutter Addicted to heroinWith a chronic eating disorder There wasn't much hope for me But I was lucky My family pulled me throughNever gave up on me I have been extremely blessed with the people in my life Especially the women Strong women are a role model for meAnd I'm fortunate to have a lot in my life My mother who is my heroMy two sisters My aunties Ladies at the meetings I now know it takes to be a strong woman And some day I hope to be someone who others look up to 
Anyway I'm off to have a little rest And spend some time with Mam and the dogs Wishing you a happy Friday And see you on the next post......

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