July is here....thank goodness.almost end of term, almost summer holidays, counting those days & hours.
I always feel the same around this time of year....it's a combination of frazzled/tired aka almost-end-of-term syndrome.same feelings every July....and yet, it always creeps up on me, surprises me.
And then, simultaneously, I have moments when I wonder where the year has gone....
my children are almost into another school year, more work, slightly different expectations.
they're getting older, I'm getting older....time flies etc
where have my babies gone?!
There's
I don't want to feel as though I am simply checking things off a list, but some days....you know.
i have a teenager. a real full-blown one.
this is making me feel very tired!!
some moments i try reeeeeeally hard to say as little as possible, i try to under-react....
in order to deal with the over-reacting that may-or-may not be a fairly frequent occurrence in my day-to-day home life.
i attempt to be present & available, to be nonchalant, to answer but always not to ask,
to listen, to know the answers.
interested as opposed to inquisitive.
wise rather than an-all-knowing-smartypants.
you want to share but not too much.
you have to be firm but fair.
you need creative ways of saying NO.
none of this comes naturally to me, so it is most definitely a challenge. some days much more so than others.
it all seems to be such a fine line....
you want to explain but not go on about stuff
be succinct but say the things that need saying
sometimes be silent, sometimes not.
your boundaries stretch
you have to make decisions, sometimes quite quickly, even when you are not quite 100% certain that you've made the right choice....
you hold your breath, cross your fingers & figure, some days, that it will all turn out okay.
it's a learning curve. some days a steep-frustrating-challenging-confusing one.
there will be tears & shouting & door-slamming. and that's not exclusive to just 13 year olds ;)
i have moments when i feel that i barely know my child.
sometimes i don't like her & i'm pretty sure that she doesn't like me.
the first time your sweet, kind, lovely darling child rolls her eyes at something you've said or done is shocking....you cannot believe it is happening.
you convince yourself you imagined it.
you feel almost wounded.
this might be when you first learn to under-react....
let me tell you that when they are 13, it becomes a frequent occurrence....
so much so that some days that you just have to ignore it!
you toughen up.
you have to learn to laugh at yourself, a little more than you did before.
you learn a lot about yourself, not all of it good....
you certainly learn more about what kind of parent you are.
parenting teenagers is not for the faint-hearted ;)
be prepared to hear your own parents in your words....
words you never thought would come out of your moth
the first time that that happens is not even funny, it's terrifying!
i always thought i was a relaxed parent....
i still think i am mostly, although having a teenager in the house makes you question all kinds of things.
you have to set boundaries, ask questions, have conversations....
where before you didn't have to. or so it seems.
the days of Mini Boden, lunchboxes & playdates seem very far away some days ;)
you find yourself discussing stuff that you did not expect to be discussing for possibly some time yet...always good to talk of course, but children are growing up quicker these days, i feel there's no doubt about that.
they go to secondary school at age 11 & change almost overnight. or so it seems.
and of course, it's new territory for both of you, a lot of what they are dealing with is stuff that you never experienced....social media being top the of list. groan ;)
what i have learned is that i most definitely do not have all the answers.
i have days when i feel i am not cut out for this.
i have days when i wish she was 3 years old again.
i wish i was dealing with it all a bit better & many many days i wish i could press rewind.
but - as with everything in life - we do the best we can and, hopefully, we learn.
and, of course, it is just a phase. everything changes.
you can only do your best & what you think is right.
....in the meantime, i am going to the gym as much as possible, i've already packed my summer reading list in my suitcase & i am religiously ignoring the fact that no.work.whatsoever has even started on our house, grrrr.
think positive & just keep swimming....or something like that.
