Life has been a little crazy lately. As I've mentioned, I bought a bike! Which is awesome. Except outfit photos are the last thing on my mind when I roll up to my house in the evenings a sweaty mess. Sweat + gym clothes does not a pretty picture make. I'd take photos in the mornings, but let's be honest. I'm never on time. Ever. I'm trying to figure out how to continue with the outfit documentation, but in addition to being sweaty all the time, I haven't felt inspired by my closet in ages. I want to throw everything out and start fresh. Alas.
I've also been struggling with feelings and trying to live a happy life. Yes, not all is happy happy joy joy here in MC+M land. My spirits have been low lately, for a variety of reasons. I don't love my job, so I've been on the hunt for a new one. For a year now. With nothing to show for it except a few interviews and then a conciliatory email telling me that I was the second choice, and they would have chosen me if the first choice declined to take the position. Except, museums are a nigh impossible field in which to find a job, so no one is going to turn down a job. While I appreciate that everyone has told me I would have been an excellent choice as well, it gets really discouraging after a while to be told that you're always second best. And for someone as competitive as myself, it makes me really upset. So I'm still applying to things (which is tedious...anyone else struggle to write cover letters?). And waiting. I don't like waiting! I also don't know where I want to end up. I feel like my life is on hold, and has been since graduating. Which would be fine, if the graduation of which I speak wasn't for my Masters degree. And despite that degree, I still feel like I don't know what to do. Except I'm 26 and feel like I should know by now. And that, if I don't, I already have two degrees and have made my bed and therefore should lie in it. But I know so much more about myself now than I did at 18 or 21 when I made the decisions to get the degrees I did. Or I like to think I do. And if I could go back, I would do everything differently. I don't normally put much stock in regrets (you can't change the past, after all), but I don't like feeling trapped. And sometimes I feel really trapped by my choices. So I'm exploring my options :).
Gah. That was a lot of whining. I'm sorry. I needed to get some things off my chest and to explain and apologize to you all for where I've been. The key, I guess, is to take things day by day. To enjoy the little things, until bigger things - like my job - are better. To find pleasure in everyday life (which I need to work on, because I am an extremist and like the big things and then the little things pass my by). And I have my friends and my health, and family. And a good book or 65. So I'll be fine! And I'll be back!!
