Lady

I went horse riding again todayAt the stables near my houseToday I was on LadyWho is in fact Rayons motherRayon you might remember from last week who was like a bolt of lightening he was so fastI was in a class of four todayWith Lisa Who you might also remember from last week Who is the ex show jumper Chloe who actually works at the stables And another kid whose name I didn't getRight from the start I felt way out of my depthAll these girls had been riding for years And here I was with less than four months experience Trying my best to keep upRoisin was out instructor again today This lesson feels a lot different from the horse therapy I do on a Wednesday I feel a lot more pressure at these lessons To perfect things And to get things right Horse therapy is so much more gentle and relaxed Of course we try and do things right there tooBut these lessons are definitely proper lessons So yea I did feel like I was trying to keep up today I'm really trying to work on my canter Roisin tells me I am bouncing rather than sitting in At one point she said everyone was sitting in except for me That didn't help my confidence much But then again At another point she said I was doing well for a beginnerI would love to ask Roisin if it is worth my while keeping it up I mean shitI know I'm never going to be a champion horse rider But it would like to know if I am making progress As I am trying really hard And it's always nice to get some positive feedback I forgot to ask Roisin today But I will definitely ask her next weekI just want to know that all my hard work is not in vain And I am at least improving A little 
I came home feeling a bit deflated after the lesson And did something incredibly stupid I was measuring out my methadone Thinking I only had today's and tomorrow left And accidentally took two days instead of oneWhich leaves me with no methadone for Monday How stupid of me Now I'm going to have to get to the doctor on MondayWhich is a right pain But I can't go without it It had to be done So needless to say I am not having a good day so far 
Roisin tells me that cantering should be easier But I feel like I am bouncing quite a lot mI try to sit inAnd do the things that Roisin shouts at me But I just felt like a total numpty today In comparison with the others I had a chat with my Mam when I came home She thinks I put too much pressure on myself She is not wrong I am very hard on myself And I want everything done yesterday I have to remember to pace myself To allow myself time to learn and improve I mean I do love it But I probably  enjoy horse therapy more I know some of you have experience with horses Don't was wondering if you had any advice For someone whose confidence is at an all time low I want to ask for feedback from the instructors But part of me is afraid they are going to say that I should probably not give up my day jobI don't know I guess I am just having a rough day 
Below are some photos from today I keep forgetting to get a photo when I'm on the horse The first ones are of me and the beautiful Lady The last couple are of myself and LadyAnd Lisa and Rayon
Also Any tips and advice on riding are very much appreciated