Athletics Magazine

Just When You Think You’ve Heard It All

By Brisdon @shutuprun

I ran a lovely 7 miles this morning. Last night I made a new recipe for dinner –Tiny French Beans with Smoked Sausage. I could find any tiny French beans (my grocery store is not that sophisticated and what is a tiny French bean anyway?), so I used regular white beans. It actually tasted really good going down, but I think the whole bean/sausage combo kind of wreaked havoc on everyone’s stomachs around here. My belly felt okay, but damn there was some gas. I’m glad I ran alone today because a running partner probably would have had to disown me or wear a special mask.

This brings me to a new item you can buy now – Deodorizer Fart Pads ($29.95 for a 10 pack).


Does anyone wear them? Well, yes they do. There are 19 reviews on the site including such testimonials as:

I farted several times today and no one even knew!!! I even tried to smell them by bending down where my rear was immediately after I ripped one, and to my surprise, nothing! The only down side is that it doesn't of muffle the sound of the farts, and isn't very absorbent.”

I am a regular farter, but I’d be hard pressed to wear a pad for this issue. I mean we all bottom burp, right? In fact, the average person farts 14 times per day. I, alone, probably bring up that average quite a bit, but I still don’t feel I need a Fart Pad. Maybe if you ate a really sulfur-rich diet of eggs and cauliflower and you worked in a 4 x 4 cubicle or spent a lot of time in elevators, the pad would be a good idea.

The Fart Pad definitely fits into the Just When You Think You Heard It All category. I think I’m a fairly informed person who is engaged with and aware of the world around me. Yet, just when I’m on the cusp of becoming complacent and bored, I learn some tid-bit that makes me realize that there will never be an end to the absurd crap that goes on in the world.

In today’s Just When You Think You’ve Heard It All news:

  • Vodka Soaked Tampons: Did anyone see the special on college-aged drinking on 20/20 last week? I found it incredibly disturbing to hear about the lengths kids are going to to get drunk as quickly as possible. This includes, for women, soaking tampons in vodka before inserting them. Really? Who even thought of that? Wouldn’t it burn? Makes me miss the days of innocent beer bongs and the occasional tequila shot.
  • Poop Transplants: Ken sent me a link to a CNN story yesterday. He is so kind to always keep me in mind for this sort of thing. In the subject line he wrote “Maybe you should be a donor.” Apparently, a young woman was in a car accident and almost died after getting a severe infection in her colon. Doctors transplanted her mother’s poop into her colon and voila!! She is cured. Something about introducing healthy bacteria found in her mother’s poop. Who knew? Obviously – poop saves the day.

In other news, the Chronic Runner wants to remind everyone that Monday October 1st is Take Your Daughter Running Day (more info HERE). Even if your daughter is not a runner herself, take a spin around the block. What a nice way to be together and to let her share in one of your passions!


Running the Bolder Boulder 10K with Emma (and Kathy) last year

Lastly, I am leaving in the morning for Maryland to attend a memorial for my grandfather who passed away at the end of July. I am so glad I could arrange things so that I can be there with my family. I’ll catch up with you all on Sunday or Monday.


What’s a “Just When You Think You Heard It All” moment you had recently?

Do you run with your daughter, or hope to? Emma doesn’t LOVE to run, but she loves the race environment. At the race this weekend I asked her if it made her excited to do a half marathon one day. “NO,” she said. Typically, she will not run much, but then do a 5K or 10K at her own pace. We have a great time doing races as a family.


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