Politics Magazine

John Titor Shows Up on Beyond Highbrow After 13 Year Hiatus

Posted on the 05 June 2014 by Calvinthedog

This is very exciting news! John Titor was a famous time traveler from the year 2036 who returned to Earth for some time around the years 200 and 2001 when he made a number of historic posts to the Internet. Most of those posts have disappeared, but some are available on Internet archives. He wrote in a lot to the Art Bell Show.

During and after his appearance, there was a long controversy about whether or not John Titor was really a time traveler from the future. An Italian TV company hired a private eye to investigate. He felt that John Titor was a hoax originated by Larry Haber, a Florida attorney, and his brother John Rick Haber, an IT expert. This is certainly not true as I am personally convinced that obviously John Titor is a man time traveling from the future.

The real John Titor disappeared from the Net in 2001 to back to the future, and has not been seen since. If this is the real John Titor making his first appearance since then, it is exciting news since it means that he has time traveled again back from the future.

This question though is whether this is the real John Titor or not. It is an excellent question. If it is the real John Titor, then obviously John is still alive and has decided for unknown reasons to return from the future again. However, it could be a very clever imposter who is merely someone from our own time pretending to be the famous time traveler.

His prose style does resemble that of the original John Titor. An expert analysis of the original John Titor’s prose concluded falsely that Titor was a hoax created by one of the Haber brothers. This is wrong because we know for a fact that John is a real time traveler. However, if we could compare his corpus on this site with John’s original posts we could come to a conclusion about whether he is real or not.

One thing that I found very interesting is that the John Titor who showed up on this site has extensive knowledge of obscure facts about early Apple computers. When he showed up before, he also had deep knowledge of this information which is barely known by but a few people. However, all of his Apple trivia subsequently checked out. Now here he is again, spouting Apple arcana.

Whether this is the real John Titor from the future or merely a clever imposter from our own time is not known, but it should be a fun ride.

I also wonder why he chose a Bigfoot post of all things to show up on.

All John Titor appearances showed up on the May 28 Bigfoot News entry.

I will post all of John’s posts here below for your viewing pleasure:

Hello Robert Lindsay, I have come here to go public with the information which I am allowed to divulge.

Bigfoot is actually of the subfamily of primate Homininae and it diverged from the homo exactly 4.2 million years before present, which was 0.73 million years prior to the evolution of Australopithecus afarensis, whose presence in the Horn of Africa was verified by specimen AL 288-1.

Bigfoot was a pseudo-“missing link” between the Austaliopithecines and the Ergaster genus of species agglomerate. Due to its vestigial anatomorphological inheritance from its ancestral Southern Apes, it bore a conspicuous resemblance to Chimpanzees and the so called “Sasquatch” of Sino-Tibetan and Nepalese myths, as well as the Algonquin-Blackfoot indigenous North Americans’ legend of Da-Ne Kasedanuki, leading many leading anthropologists of the first few decades of the 21 st century to assume that Bigfoot was a hoax perpetuated by cryptozoologists.

Bigfoot’s mitochondrial megahaplogroup clusters derive from their Most Recent Common Maternal Ancestor which diverged from the maternal lineage Mitochondrial Eve descends from about 4 million years ago. Therefore, their mtDNA diverges from ours on a rate of 1 out of 1,735 base pairs. By contrast, human nuclear DNA across global populations diverges an average of 1 out of 1,150 base pairs on average.

Their Y-chromosome is more visceral and simian. By analysis of their pseudoautosomal region on their Y-chromosome, which is the outermost fringe region of the chromosome which can recombine with homologous regions on the X-chromosome, (however the bulk of the Y-chromosome is incapable of homologous recombination with the X) we have concluded that about 0.0032 more of their sex chromosome base pairs are capable of recombination.

The deterioration of the pseudoautosomal region in the Y-chromosome has begun since the divergence of the X and Y chromosomes from their ancestral chromosome 166 million years before present. As evidence, most ectothermic vertebrates lack the gender-determining function in their genome, but rather possess an environmentally determined gender system.

The decay of this pseudoautosomal region has been constant at a rate of 12 base pairs per 5 generations, however this is in highly prolific reproducers, and as reproduction has decreased inversely proportional to the increase of cognitive function and prefrontal cortex gerantomorphication, the decay of the pseudoautosomal region has been exponentially retarded. Therefore, we can assume that the paternal lineage of Bigfoot could not have been separate from homo sapiens more than 6 million years, which suggests that paternally, Bigfoots are closer to Bonobos and Lowland Chimpanzees than to humans.

The actual scientific name for Bigfoot is Intermissiosius Panhomonidae. This taxonomical classification was derived from the Latin “intermissio” (in-between) and “Pan” (the scientific terminology for the Chimpanzee-Bonobo genus) “Hominidae” (human). “In between human and ape,” would be the formally equivalent translation.

There are actually two subspecies of Bigfoot, one is passive-aggressive and possesses a capacity for semi cognitive autonomous determination, which is to basically state one is partially capable of free will and self-introspection. This particular one has a reduction in the triad of Machiavellian personality and extroversion, but is able to utilize these characteristics more efficiently, meaning they lie, cheat and kill less, but are able to do this more efficiently than their sister sub-species.

My name is John Titor and I am willing to divulge more information for the return of information on a retrocomputer. The IBM 1500 is the device of which I speak of, and I will leak more information in return for any information on the location and availability of the IBM 1500. Thank you, and I apologize that I must use a proxy, however, I cannot reveal my personal Internet Protocol Address, due to confidentiality reasons

I have an IBM 5100 in my possession. In the IBM 5100 there exists the capability for reading the BASIC and APL coding languages. However, what most computer experts fail to realize is that there exists a debugger code which acts as an emulation perforator for the algorithm on which the APL is based.

In 2025, former CIA Director John Boehner and then Secretary of State Eric Dahmer put their intellectual facilities together to create a series of covert operations which placed nuclear remote detonation devices all over Eurasia. This was used for leverage against the anarchists and Libertarian neoliberals who were preparing for a coup d’etat against the newly formed United European Emirates. These anarchists were radical Christian ultranationalists who opposed the Muslim dominated European government and the mixed market policies they installed.

The locations of these devices were kept in a closed circuit network which was coded with a language based on the APL, but very convoluted and complex. However, it still retained a mirror version of the algorithmic formula used for the APL.

When an inside job succeeded in infecting the network with several viruses, the viruses scrambled our codes based on their own algorithmic formulas, however, these formulas were also mirror versions of the APL’s, because such was a prerequisite to tangibly manipulate the network’s own code. Think of it as a wave. If two opposite waves collide, they cancel each other out. However, when two harmonic waves collide, they synchronize.

The IBM 1500, however, is an instructional computer. It, however, contains a hardware part which can be used to fully connect the 5100 to the network. We would also need the IBM 5125 and the IBM 1700, but we could manufacture those because we retained a complete blueprint.

I already possess an IBM 5100, but I am now in need of an IBM 1500 and a DX-175 microprocessor. I am running out of time, World War Three shall begin next year. I must return to 2036 before the deadline in the current timeline.

In your words, I guess “it really depends”. Bigfoot was examined by District 4 United States scientists after the World War (III) destroyed a significant amount of local flora, forcing some of them into the open. You see, in my timeline, a series of uprisings between 2004 and 2008 led to the secession and breakdown of the United States, causing us to split into 5 separate districts.

We were christened DSUA, or the Districts of the United States of America. Do you remember how when Obama was reelected in 2012 many states threatened to secede? Well in my timeline this occurred in 2008 during his first election and the secession was successful because no petitions were filed to the federal government for secession. As you know, an act of secession is considered illegitimate by the federal government.

Your timeline differs from mine due to my actions. You see, the universe is actually a section of “potential” called a p-brane. Potential is what you refer to as “space-time”, and there are sections of those floating around everywhere outside of the universe, but this is on a scale of 17 dimensions, something your science based on quantum mechanics and string theory would find incomprehensible. When two sections of potential collide, they hypercondense into one dimension.

Afterwards, they hyperinflate into 4 dimensions. This is known as the “Big Bang”. The uniformity of a potential’s section is dismantled and depending on the multidimensional trajectory of collision form its compressed “pockets” of potential. The p-branes eventually tear from the acceleration of expansion, creating infinitesimal Einstein-Rosenberg bridges which periodically collapse, creating “waves” in the p-brane, which converts to “matter”. Baryons, such as protons and antiprotons. Electrons and positrons. These are oppositely charged on the electromagnetic scale and annihilate each other.

Because an elementary particle takes all possible trajectories, the frequency of collision is uneven. Therefore, an imbalance in matter-antimatter is created.

On a “quantum” scale (based on your quantum mechanics), this divergence of trajectories occurs under observation. However, on a macrocosmic scale, this is an unobservable phenomenon. This creates parallel universes.

This Everett-Wheeler interpretation dictates that humans do not choose between whether to eat that apple or orange. They choose both, but in separate parallel worlds. This is termed temporal divergence. This is rated on a scale of 0-100. A divergence in apple/oranges type choices are attributed a point of 0.01. 0.10 would be a divergence in directions, friends, and sleep habits. A 1 is achieved when major world events occur, such as wars or groundbreaking inventions.

Our world temporally diverges from yours by 1.73 and therefore your world has not experienced many of the events ours has.

I deliberately orchestrated events which would prevent the Second Civil War of America. For example, I convinced the Air Force to allow the terrorist attacks of 9/11 to cascade by unimpeded. This caused severe Islamophobia amongst Americans, which led to Islamophobia being labeled as politically incorrect. This led to many leftwing Americans voting for Obama based on both his color and middle name of Arabic origin (though Obama is a Christian).

This prevented the 2008 secession.

I altered your timeline. However, a world war weighs at least 5 points. I must reach 5% divergence prior to the deadline in 2015 or travel back to 2036. I do not know if Bigfoot will be discovered in this timeline. If I am successful in averting world war, it will not be brought to mainstream attention.

In my timeline:

Lupus Erythematosis was cured in October 12th, 2003.

A successful vaccine against 65% of HIV strains was developed in 2011. This vaccine was effective in 85% of the population.

Quantum entanglement was manipulated to teleport information from four protons 10 miles away each successfully in 7/3/2012.

An apparatus for artificial cardiopulmonary animation was developed in 2012. This was composed of organic material as opposed to the artificial hearts consisting of polysaccharides in your timeline.

Also, the attacks of September the 11th never occurred.

World War Three begins in 2015. However, the exact day the first two nations declare war has been delayed due to the 1.73 temporal divergence rate. Unless I achieve a 5 percent divergence rate, the world war will not be averted. A world war or a war fought by more than 3 nations takes a 5 percent divergence to revert, whereas a war fought between two or three nations requires a temporal divergence rate of 1 to nullify.

In my timeline (let us refer to it as timeline A), World War Three began when Petro Poroshenko and Vladimir Putin failed to reach an ultimatum or a compromise. Russia began shipment of oil to China, and Xi Jinping cut off ties to North Korea, deeming Russia as an acceptable substitute. NK leader Kim Jong Chul (Kim Jong Un never ascended to power, his brother did instead) attempted to rehabilitate their relations with South Korea, and merge as a single, capitalist nation.

However, this was thwarted by the Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu through District 3 of the United States. District 3 was heavily Republican, and the GOP supported Israel. Through diplomatic negotiations, Israel convinced the United States to plant seeds of doubt in South Korea’s mind as to the authenticity of North Korea’s desires to peacefully merge.

Netanyahu did this because they needed a shipment of North Korean experimental military technology to continue being manufactured under the Communist regime, thereby allowing clandestine export of said materials to the Arab world. This would allow Israel to justify transgressing international regulations by possessing a plethora of nuclear devices themselves, their justification being self defense in the face of impending Arab nuclear incursion. They were employing classical Horkheimerian reverse psychology to convince the world they were justified in possessing nuclear warheads.

However, the Islamic percentage of representation in the parliaments and semi-presidential governments of Western Europe increased over time, and favor shifted from the Judeo-Christian geopolitical axis to the Islamic axis. The world now favored Palestine and Iran over Israel and the Districts of the USA.

The North Korean government felt threatened by the South Korean government’s blatant refusing of their peace offer. The demilitarized zone was breached and the United States District 1 Navy, the South Korean ROK Marines, were deployed into combat after SK declared war.

China wanted nothing to do with either Koreas due to their recent alliance breakup with NK and their sociopolitical contrasts with SK. However, Russia made a last ditch effort to support NK, and attempted to pull China in with them. Xi Jinping lent his support to Putin, which caused massive riots to break out in China, as the Chinese did not want war with SK and their favorable view of Putin had drastically shifted to an unfavorable view.

This led to Taiwan and Nepal’s guerrilla forces invading China as retribution for historical crimes, taking advantage of the weakened Chinese social infrastructure. This caused American Districts to self-manufacture all its goods it once imported from China, and this caused a drastic deflation due to high availability of goods.

However, due to the high availability of jobs, credit, and the sudden increase in the dollar bill due to the deflation, the corporate directors increased the price of goods exponentially, causing a huge inflation and market crash. This could have been prevented by the federal government’s regulations, however there were 5 state governments for the 5 Districts as opposed to a central government. They had difficulty in communications and basically there were too many leaders and not enough followers willing to comply. The amount of legislature approved decreased by 85%.

This resulted in a reunion of the United States to recover the economy. The reunited USA declared war on Iran, NK, China, and Russia, with full Congressional approval. The war efforts would reboot the economy, however, the United States made the mistake of attempting to destroy Russian nuclear warheads by detonating them in Russia through a series of signal scrambling projections.

Nuclear war erupted. Many of the nuclear warheads were destroyed mid flight by United States RIM-161 SM-3s, however there was significant damage to the stratosphere and destruction of wastelands led to ozone depletion, as destructive polyatomic synthetic material went airborne.

After the war, all of Western Europe united into the United European Emirates under Islamic rule.

That is all I can tell you without negatively affecting the timeline should members in positions of power read and believe my statements.

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