When you need a job, you’ll consider almost anything. Insultingly-paid internships, flyering, looking for dropped tenners on the street – it can even be tempting to say yes to decidedly dodgy-sounding work.
In fact, in the hope that we’d get a job one day, many of us went to university. We went to the lectures, pulled the all-nighters, handed in scrawled essays on a Pro-Plus comedown. Sod that, thought the author of the ad below. I’ll just pay some bugger to do that for me, and reap the rewards. Fraud. What could possibly go wrong?
I have to say, this position is underpaid. This isn’t $40 a year to do a degree, it’s also to:
- never meet anyone you intend to stay with, as you’ll either have to lie to them about who you are forever (impractical, as the advertiser will presumably re-assume his identity after you graduate), or tell them what you’re up to (inadvisable: it’s pretty naughty and they might tell, especially if you ever break up with them or like another girl’s Facebook statuses too often)
- never let anyone take a photo of you, lest it end up on the fabled Facebook, thereby providing the world with startlingly clear evidence that you had an entirely different face and body to the one you had post-graduation.
- in fact, you should probably never make any friends, or speak to anyone, or tell anyone except the examiners your name. Should be a fun few years, Dracula.
- be a criminal. A potentially incarcerated criminal, surely? But don’t worry, I’m sure the statute of limitations on defrauding a rich, powerful and incredibly proud institution like Harvard University is, like, 11 seconds. You’ll be fine.
