Jessica Simpson in a scene from Major Movie Star. (Major Productions)
-I keep waiting for this report about Jessica Simpson getting her own NBC sitcom to turn out to be a hoax. It’s got to be, right? RIGHT!?!?
-It looks like Jason Trawick coordinated with Britney Spears’ dad to extricate himself from their relationship — and she might not yet comprehend that it’s really over.
-There’s been lots of Lindsay Lohan courtroom drama (it must be a day that ends in ‘y’). She fired her long-suffering lawyer minutes before she stepped inside the courthouse because she didn’t want to take a plea deal that required rehab.Lohan then pleaded not guilty in a car crash case.
-Meanwhile, the first clip from Lohan’s film The Canyons has been released. It looks like a winner.
-Speaking of Lindsay, Megan Fox compared her to Marilyn Monroe — and not in a good way.
-AJ McLean has invited Ryan Gosling to join the Backstreet Boys, which just made the 1993 version of me slip into a coma.
-Speaking of loving Ryan Gosling, Anna Kendrick really, really does.
-Howard Stern changed his mind about calling Lena Dunham “a fat chick who looks like Jonah Hill and keeps taking her clothes off.” How forgiving of him.
-Oprah Winfrey was so “surprised and mesmerized” by Lance Armstrong’s doping confession that she’s spreading out the interview over two nights. Watch the ridiculously over-dramatic promo here.
-Tina Fey isn’t wrong about many things, but she’s wrong about Twitter.
-Meanwhile, Tina and Amy Poehler helped the Golden Globes reach its highest ratings since 2007.
-At the Globes, do you think Amy finally got the chance to say “Cloonily, I met you“?
-Tina ended up meeting Robert Pattinson, who (oddly) presented her with a rose before hooking up with Kristen Stewart at a Globes afterparty.
-Speaking of the Globes, the Weinstein Co. party involved Heidi Klum dancing on tables and Nathan Fillion taking off his pants. I want to go to there.
-Good news: the “True American” drinking game is coming back to New Girl! Bad news: Brooklyn Decker will be playing it.
-Uh-oh. ABC is pulling Happy Endings and Apt 23 from its Sunday night schedule.
-Amanda Bynes continues to make really good decisions. She just got her cheek pierced.
-I finally figured out what Kate Upton is good for: telling stories about drunk Tony Danza!
-15-year-old Chloe Moretz was photographed for the first time with her 17-year-old boyfriend, Cameron Fuller, and they decided to use the event to stage a fake proposal. (‘Cause we weren’t wigged out enough by their possibly illegal relationship?)
-New photos from The Hunger Games: Catching Fire have landed.
-If you’re not yet watching Archer, this supercut of insults should change that.
-I got way too much enjoyment from this video of Anthony Bourdain feeding Eric Ripert his first McNugget.
-Everyone’s freaking out about Victor Garber‘s big “coming out.” Isn’t this old news? Or do I just know way too much about Papa Bristow?
-Jessica Chastain may be dating Tom Hiddleston. Or possibly Jason Clarke. But she’s definitely dating someone! Maybe.
-Kim Kardashian had a lot to say about her pregnancy and relationship with Kanye West on this morning’s Today Show,if you care about that sort of thing.
-Carrie Underwood is denying reports that Hayden Panettiere‘s Nashville diva is based on her. Mmm-hmmm.
-It looks like Minka Kelly and Chris Evans are no longer hiding their relationship.
-Aw man. The promo for this week’s Fringe series finale just gave me feelings.
