Athletics Magazine

It Will Be Like 4 Months Of PMS

By Brisdon @shutuprun

I did it. I hired a coach for Ironman Florida. I need someone to boss me around and assure me I can actually do this thing in 4 months. I also do not have the time to plan out my weekly workouts right now. Truth be told, I was having kind of a breakdown trying to figure it out. I think it will be money very well spent.

Oh, and she’s not just any coach, but a coach who said she could teach me how to pee on the bike. My kind of lady (yes, ladies do pee on the bike).  I mean, why get off the bike when you can just let it flow right then and there? I will draw the line at #2, however.

Meet Carole Sharpless (or “Sharpie” as some call her – like the pen).

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I think she might know just a couple of things about the sport of triathlon because she is a pro-triathlete who was 1st place for pros at 2010 Ironman Florida and has a whole other huge list of amazing triathlete accomplishments.   She does both virtual and local coaching for all distances. I think she is going to be a terrific fit for me.

When we met yesterday, she made a few things clear:

  • I am the best person she has ever met or coached (I made that up, but she was probably thinking it)
  • I need to “get my ass in the pool” and start swimming (Yes, these were her exact words. I have successfully blown off swimming for a very long time and cannot get away with it anymore)
  • I will be baptized by fire since I don’t have much time to train. This weekend alone I will do 7 hours and 40 minutes of workouts in two days. Huh?
  • I need to eat/drink 250 calories per hour on the bike. That means stuffing my jersey with all kinds of crap.

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Pretty soon I will have my X2PERFORMANCE gear to wear. Cannot wait to show you!

  • I will be doing many, many TITS (“Time In The Saddle”) rides keeping my heart rate at 134. Shoot. I thought TITS rides would mean topless rides. I guess I could do topless TITS rides if I wanted.
  • My rest days will be MAJOR rest days. Coach Sharpie will ask me the plot line for the book I read or the movie I watched while laying on the couch not moving. Guess I need to buy some Cliff Notes.
  • I will be tired, irritable, cranky and delirious. Kind of like 4 months of PMS. I’m sure my family is thrilled.

So, what else was there to do but get up at 6:30 a.m. this morning and head out for a 3 hour ride? It was NOT easy keeping my heart rate that low because I really like to HAMMER on the bike. I hated, hated being passed by all those folks singing “on your left” as they smirked and flew by. I wanted to yell, “I am HEART RATE training. I could go faster if I wanted!” God, what egos we have. But, I know the Ironman is all about endurance and these long aerobic rides are essential.

Last night we had a HUGE storm that went on forever. We got to a place in Lyons, CO where the streets were covered in tree branches. Kind of pretty actually. Funny how you can enjoy workouts more when you can actually breathe, talk and take in the scenery.

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I jumped off the bike (about 43 miles total) and transitioned for the run. Heidi came along, but she said I made her a bit too tired, even with the stop to lay down in the river.

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3 hours, 30 minutes of training done all before the kids got up. I felt like super mom just for a second. Until I felt tired and yelled at someone.

Tomorrow will be a 4 hour ride followed by a quick 10 minute run to shake out my legs.

You people who have done Ironmans (or should I say “have done Ironmen?” That sounds dirty) in the past are CRAZY. This shit is crazy.

What’s your favorite thing to eat while cycling?

Have you ever worked with a coach? What were the positives and negatives?

SUAR


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