Life Coach Magazine

It Takes Two

By Bren @Virtual_Bren

I am by far no expert in marriage or relationships however, I have been around the block a few times and have experienced some dysfunction.

It Takes Two

Those of you who follow My Girly Parts loyally, know about the disruption in my marriage of a few months ago. Although we are trying to work things out, I am still having some difficulty in the Trust area. I honestly am trying to do my best to Forgive, not Forget, as well as evaluate the past couple years of my marriage. Some of this is difficult to look at because I’m finding, it just wasn’t one persons fault.

I don’t believe any one has a perfect marriage. I knew mine was far from perfect but it was workable. Little did I know, my actions, as well as his, were putting a huge wedge in our relationship.

My Faults

When I rescued Titan, neither one of us knew the extent of his dysfunction. He took a lot more of my time than I would have imagined. Although he is good now, some of my time spent with rehabilitating him, took time away from my hubs and our marriage.

I also dove right into blogging about Titan. How quickly we can get obsessed with blogging and trying to make that bigger and better, more popular blog. This time was time taking away from my hubs and our marriage.

The more involved I got with blogging, the more involved I got with social media. The need to feel connected to the world was overwhelming yet I fed off it. This too was time taking away from the three things I cherish most; my hubs, Titan, and my marriage.

In the evenings, we spent time in different rooms. He watching his tv shows and surfing the web and me diving into social media and watching my shows. More time taken from my loves.

Then this past summer, I dove into yet another mission; working at the local animal shelter. Little did I know that by this time, my hubs had already given up and sought comfort online with an old friend. Time I spent at the shelter, gave him time to chat with this friend. He had pulled away from me and our marriage and was seeking that exciting of a new relationship.

His Faults

Now I’m not going to take all the blame here. My actions did not force him to seek out this new friendship. My hubs is a non-communicator. This is one thing I never liked, however, I always had a knack of blowing up and getting him to talk a bit. Unhealthy, yet successful at times. I believe the military had part in his “lack of” communication. But because of this “lack of communication”, he did not convey to me how unhappy he was and instead, chose to run away from the issues.This was yet another wedge in our relationship.

His job also plays a role in this. He is very unhappy in what he does. He is up at 330 am every morning and out the door by 5 am. He comes home and eats, gets on his laptop in front of the tv, and that’s his night. He’s off to bed by 730 pm and usually asleep about 8ish. Because of his schedule, I just assumed he was so tired at night and beat from the day at work, I couldn’t possible wake him up to satisfy my own selfish sexual needs. This too was another wedge in our marriage.

Misery enjoys company. Because he was so unhappy, not only with his job, but our marriage, he turned into what I called a grumpy old man. I don’t know how many times I told him how grumpy and miserable he was, hoping to get him to open up to me, and he never did.

forgive reunite

It Takes Two

I’m a firm believe in it takes Two to make a marriage work. It also takes Two to destroy it. Addiction to drugs or alcohol as well as abusive relationships is the exception to my belief.  

When I talk about Forgiveness, I am not only seeking to Forgive my hubs, but also Forgive myself as I feel I played a role in the wedge put between us.

Can I or will I ever Forget what he was doing and about to do? Absolutely not.

Can I or will I ever Forget my role I played in the distance put between us? Absolutely not and nor do I want to Forget, as I don’t want to make those same mistakes again.

Where To Go From Here

We are trying. I see my hubs laughing again.

The intimacy has return in our relationship and I’m just not taking sexual intimacy.

We are going out and having fun again. We are finding the things that we used to like to do together, as well as some new things.

No more separate rooms for watching tv. Titan and I have moved to his “man-cave” in the evenings so we can watch tv together, hold conversations, and join in the Titan shenanigans together.

No longer do I stay up past him surfing the web. I have given myself a shut down time on the net and am sticking to it.

He goes to bed, Titan goes to bed, Mommy follows. The bedroom giggle times have returned and to be honest, I really missed it.

Is all this behind us? Absolutely not, but we both are making attempts to reunite as a couple; embrace one another; and make it work.

Will we be successful? I don’t know but I am clinging to Fate that our relationship will become stronger than it ever was.

Despite his faults, as I have my own as well, I do love this man. When I got married at 35, it was Forever, not for the time being.

Remember………It Takes Two

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