So often we hear about a Man abusing a Woman in domestic violence cases. The media sucks it up and spews the story over and over again. But how many times do you hear a domestic violence case in which the Woman was the abuser? Not very often in my experience. I’d just like to say ahead of time, I do not condone any type of violence and think no matter who is abuser, it’s wrong and that person should suffer the consequences, Male or Female.
The below is a two (2) stories relating to my experiences with domestic violence.
I was once a victim
I dated this boy once and we lived together for a few years. He was a bad boy. I was inexperienced. Together we spelled trouble. I remember late one evening after being at a holiday party at his parents house, he got a tad disgruntled. Lord knows why he got jealous over his brother-in-law because I was not the cheater in the relationship. He had too much to drink and I was the designated driver. Driving home he got a bit too rambunctious and decided to pop me in my lip. Yes, it gave me a bloody lip that later swelled up to what I remember to be, a good size tomato. After popping me, he proceeded to rip off the rearview mirror on my car. What I once thought was a sexy man, turned into a troubled and ugly little boy.
I remember thinking “What have I gotten myself into”. The next morning, of course, he was so apologetic. I was in no position to go running home to dad and hear him say “I told you so”. I stuck it out for a while longer. “Oh he’ll change” I thought, until that one night he decided to throw me up on the hood of his car, just because I questioned WHY he was late coming home since we were having his mom and dad over for dinner. This time I had witnesses.
The relationship ended. I had him arrested, pressed charges, and was done with him!
I ended up going through about a year or so of therapy to recover from the three plus (3+) year relationship:
- I had no self-esteem left
- I was a co-dependent (dependent on fixing HIM)
- I was unable to stand on my own two feet
One of the most important things I remember from my therapist is this:
There is such a double standard when it comes to domestic violence. Women can pull the “Defenseless Woman” card; not all women, but some do. But what about the Man? What about the Man who is abused?
THIS TIME it was HIS fault.
~ Don’t judge those who stay~
He was once a victim
I once dated a man who eventually became my “live-in” partner. After sharing my domestic violence story with him, I learned something I thought I would have never heard out of his mouth.
HIS EX-WIFE BEAT HIM
I just couldn’t wrap my mind around this concept because it has always been the Man being the abuser and the Woman, the victim. I asked if he ever contacted the authorities. He said “Many times, yet the authorities would not do anything to her because SHE was a WOMAN“. How is this even right? Why does gender play such an important role in domestic violence. In my opinion, his ex-wife took full advantage of the situation. SHE knew nothing would happen to her because she was a “Defenseless Woman” against a “Man”.
I don’t understand how society and the authorities could let any type of domestic violence go without consequences. SHE should have had charges brought up against her. SHE should have been arrested in thrown into the slammer. SHE should have gone to anger management or domestic violence classes to try to rehabilitate herself. But NO! Nothing was done until the day he had enough.
THIS TIME it WASN’T HIS fault.
~ Hug those who leave~
What are your thoughts on the double standards of domestic violence pertaining to Men as Victims versus Women as Victims. Do you believe societies actions are justified?
