Gay men have a huge misconception about this. They think that straight men go around calling gay men faggots all the time. Actually we do not. It’s considered a mean, hateful, homophobic thing to say about gay men, and that sort of nasty homophobia is just not popular anymore.
However, the word fag is used a lot, often free of any negative context. It can have a negative context, but even then it tends to be mild. Or it can be a major put-down. I think straight men like words like fag and queer etc. because we have a single word for gay women, lesbians. We have no single word for gay men. We have to use two words all the time, gay men. That’s awkward. It would be nice if we could come up with a single word for gay men like we have for lesbians.
I recently took a trip of several days with my cousin. He’s about as PC and SJW as you can get, and he’s really not homophobic at all. I mean 0%. Yet he called gay men fags several times on the trip. In his case, the word was simply descriptive.
People think words themselves matter, but they really don’t. That’s magical thinking – these people treat words as if they are alive. Words have no particular meaning other than the meaning we assign to them. The word fag used in a vicious way is a slur, but the same word used by a gay-friendly person is simply descriptive. That is because that word, like many words, has whatever emotional context and association that the speaker has placed on the word.
Now here comes the main thing that gay men will never get. Yes! Straight men use the word fag a lot. But nowadays it’s mostly used towards other straight men! Calling another straight man a fag does not mean he’s gay. It’s the same as calling him a pussy, a wimp, a wuss, a girl, or a bitch. You are saying he’s not masculine. So the word fag is usually used to by straight men to police masculinity and keep other straight men in line.
Nowadays it tends to be used towards men who do not side with their brothers and instead side with the women. Heterosexuality is about the War of the Sexes. In a sense, no matter how much they love each other, men and women are enemies. This is because they think differently and tend to want different things. This leads to all sorts of clashes, feminism, men’s rights, and #metoo only being a few of the more recent ones.
Say a man asks out, flirt with, or talk to a woman. A lot of idiot men are what we call cockblockers, white knights, or Captain Save-a-ho’s. They are always rushing to the side of women to protect them from these evil horny men. Any man who tries to discourage another man approaching a woman in a friendly, possibly sexual manner would be called a fag or a faggot.
The idea is to shame this cockblocking man so he quits trying to stop other men from getting laid. And yes, men routinely cockblock other men and try to stop them from getting laid. They think they are protecting women by white knighting them this way, and they think they can themselves get access to the woman. Truth is women are contemptuous of white knights even though they are rescuing the women.
The word is also used in a teasing sense towards other men. You go over to your friend’s house, and there are several men, all good friends of yours, sitting around watching TV and taking bong hits. You walk into the room and say, “So what are you fags up to?”, and you laugh a bit as you say it. The whole room will explode in laughter. Or you point to one friend, and say loudly as if you are greeting a long-lost friend you have not seen in years, “What’s up fag?” This will also cause the room to collapse in spasms of laughter. This is macho talk, masculine talk, heterosexual talk or straight talk, however you want to see it. But if it is straight talk, it has a strong masculine overtone to it.
However, the purpose here really is to enforce heterosexuality among straight men and make sure that they don’t engage in any gay-type behaviors. Because by making the word fag an object of absurdity and ridiculousness, you also make any type of gay sexual behavior pretty much off-limits because it’s so ridiculous, derisive and preposterous that it is almost unthinkable. By making the word an object of ridicule for other straight man, you place the behavior outside of the limits of the possible.
Men who call each other fags are also enforcing masculinity by proclaiming their masculinity. Typically men who talk like this will never or almost never try any sort of gay sexual behavior for the reasons stated above. Once again though it is not directed at gay men, but it is used to enforce straight men’s masculinity and keep straight men straight sexually.
Men in prisons sometimes call each other fags. A man visits another man’s cell. “What’s up fag?” says the guy in the cell to his visitor. They are both in prison for a long time. There are no women around. They’re probably horny and in need of an outlet. There is a lot of sexual tension in the air which by default is going to get routed homosexually because there are no woman around.
By calling each other fags, they are enforcing masculinity and heterosexuality and trying to defuse the heavy gay tension that builds in a place like this. They are both trying to be straight and not give in to gay temptation to relieve their frustration, in other words. Using that word towards each other is an attempt by both of them to stay straight in prison where it’s hard to do. Once again by making the word an object or ridicule for the men who use it, it serves to place the behavior outside the realm of the possible.
Gay men need to understand that straight men use that word far more nowadays towards other straight men to police masculinity and enforce “bros before hos” mindsets. The purpose is to shame the other man so he mans up or sides with his brothers against the women.
