Athletics Magazine

Ironman Decisions. HELP.

By Brisdon @shutuprun

So, look what (finally) came in the mail yesterday:


Is it not the most gorgeous thing you’ve ever seen? Okay, maybe the Grand Canyon or your newborn baby was the most gorgeous thing you’ve ever seen, but this has to be a close second.


About the same time this work of art came in the mail, so did this:


You probably don’t know what that is. It’s a contract where I sign my life away.

Last year I was sponsored by X2 Performance (supplements to maximize energy, performance and recovery) to do IM Florida as part of their triathlon team. I’m thrilled to have been invited back again for 2014. Last year we had the choice to do Florida or Arizona. This year we can pick any (non-sold-out) race. That does not leave a ton of options, but I’m not complaining.

Maybe you can help me with this decision. While I am not an Ironman virgin anymore (that hymen got popped in November), I still am an IM newbie. I don’t want to kill myself climbing mountains, I don’t want to die of heatstroke and I would prefer to not freeze my titties off (mostly because I am not starting with much to begin with).

I REALLY wish Boulder was not sold out, but it is. So…

The choices:
Ironman Cozumel (November)

  • Pros: Great family destination, flat, margaritas on the course, I love the beach
  • Cons: Montezuma’s Revenge (I have a hard enough time not crapping my pants in the United States), wind, heat, falls at Thanksgiving

Ironman Decisions. HELP.

Ironman Canada (July)

  • Pros: Scenic, would be nice in the summer, I like Canadian bacon
  • Cons: Crap load of climbing (4,200 feet alone on the bike)

Ironman Decisions. HELP.

Ironman Louisville (August)

  • Pros: Might meet Honey Boo Boo, cool finish line, pretty rolling hills
  • Cons: Humidity. I try to stay out of the South in August. not much of a vacation destination.

Ironman Decisions. HELP.

Ironman Lake Tahoe (September)

  • Pros: Scenic, never been there before, swim looks nice
  • Cons: Freezing (snowed last year and was in the 30s at the start), lots of climbing

Ironman Decisions. HELP.

Ironman Coeur d’Alene (June)

  • Pros: Scenic, could drive there, nice course from what I’ve heard
  • Cons: I can’t pronounce it, cold swim, challenging bike, I don’t think I’ll be ready by June

Ironman Decisions. HELP.

Ironman Greek Islands (Joke)

  • Pros: Swim topless, baklava and Ouzo at the aid stations, Dean Karnazes might make a guest appearance
  • Cons: I might get distracted by all of the back hair, I’ll never come home.

Ironman Decisions. HELP.

So, you see my dilemma. Or, I could scrap the whole thing and lay on the couch.


What would you do in my shoes? I was thinking Cozumel, but then I’d have to be gone on Thanksgiving. Leaning towards Louisville.

Do you have experience with any of these races? Of course not. That’s why I’m asking you.

Would you ever do an Ironman? I cannot believe I am about to sign up for another one. And I’m not even drunk.


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