Wednesday
This Wednesday
As in three days away
I am getting my first
Yes, my first
iphone
I know
I know
I have been living in the dark ages for some time now with my little Nokia Asha 302
I have been getting by with just calls, texts and emails
No internet
Oh yes
I have been one of those people who looks at someone engrossed in their phone
And wondering what the hell could be holding their attention for so long
Soon I will know
Soon I will be privy to that information
I am expecting great things
My sister has an iphone
I would say she spends 23 hours a day looking at it
It is permanently attached to her hand
While she is talking
Watching tv
Eating
Cooking
Her phone is her constant companion
I ask her at least 3 times a day
'What are you looking at?'
Sometimes she replies
Sometimes she is so engrossed that my voice doesn't even register
Sometimes I look over her shoulder to see what is engaging her so
It is always some random thing
Like the weather
Or sites selling antique books
Or cats falling off chairs
Soon all of these delights will just be a click away for me
I can't wait to waste time scouring the internet for anything and everything that comes to my mind
Oh yes
Me and my new iphone will bond quickly
And form a relationship that knows no bounds
I may even name her
We will be BFFs forever
And ever
And ever
Of course I will have to say goodbye to my little nokia
I knew our relationship was doomed when I was in hospital last year
And I saw a 70 year old man with the same phone as me
After that
Well
I couldn't take my phone out with out feeling a frisson of embarrassment
Like a jumper that your granny knit you
You feel that you have to wear it
But do so begrudgingly
This is how I feel about my phone
A reluctant sense of loyalty
But I hung on to my phone
Because there was no reason to get rid of it
It worked perfectly well
And never having had the internet on my phone
I didn't know what I was missing
So we muddled along
Me and my Nokia
Pretending that we were willing partners in this thing
To its face I was perfectly pleasant
But when it wasn't around I bitched and moaned about him incessantly
And then
The straw that broke the phones service
My email
My precious email
All three accounts were suddenly cut off
Send in the horse men
The apocalypse is a comin'
I was distraught
No email meant that when I was away from my laptop
I was constantly worried about the potential emails that lay unread in my inbox
It was all I could think about
The people trying to contact me
The comments from my blog I had no access to
It was a nightmare
I brought the failing phone in to my service provider
There, a young greasy guy, chewing gum told me without even looking at my phone
That he couldn't help me
I asked him politely if he would at least check the phone
He did
And repeated that he had no idea what was wrong
I despaired
I turned around and looked at all the shiny new phones on the wall
They all boasted cool and exciting features
I felt drunk desire
The possibilities were endless
The world would be at my finger tips
It would be criminal not to at least ask about these phones
I turned back to my friend
'How much is an iphone?' I asked
He handed me a leaflet with various plans on it
He obviously couldn't be bothered to tell me when it was all written there for me
I scanned the page
My eyes settled on the iphone 4
At 35Euros a month
I asked some questions
He was mostly unhelpful
I wasn't getting anywhere with this guy
So I left with my leaflet
My Nokia was safe
For now
I was pretty pleased with myself that I hadn't been my usual impulsive self
And got the iphone right there and then
I practised restraint
And decided to think it over
And now
A little over 24 hours later
I have decided that I will
No
I must
Have one
And Wednesday is the day
Hello 21st century
Here I come........
