Sometimes I try to tackle difficult issues head on on my page and this morning I want to look at shyness or inhibition. I have never posted my own natal chart online before but I do it today to illustrate a point. I am painfully shy and inhibited and have been as long as I can remember. I hide behind my work and the computer keyboard and through the way I write you can see my true character, but if you were to meet me in person and get to know me, you would realise that I have a lot of personal issues. I hope by sharing some, I can hopefully try to get over a condition that has plagued me and held me back for years on end.
Shyness comes from fear, fear of oneself, I also think it has something to do with the way your brain is wired. If you are shy, you get very self-conscious, sensitive to criticism and this can lead to two outcomes. Either you sit in the corner and hide away or because of trying to overcompensate too much for your lack of social skills you become outspoken, clumsy and awkward. I have suffered all my life with both. When I am out I literally cannot let go and make a fool of myself. It affects my friendships, relationships, work, intimacy so many things. Let me tell you, being a guy who is inhibited and shy is a real curse and a real turn off with women too. Those of us with shyness cannot or find it incredibly difficult to initiate relationships of all kinds. I know it all too well.
To the Astrology and my own chart. I was born just to the west of London on 2nd August 1967 at 11.40 am. Immediately you'll see that I am a sun sign Leo conjunct to Jupiter sitting in the public 10th house. I have a sociable Libran Ascendant and a chatty Gemini Moon. On that basis, how on earth can I be anything other than outgoing? There is a reason that I am. The placement of Saturn on my chart.
Saturn is the planet in fear and in my chart it sits in detriment in Aries directly opposite to my Ascendant. That Saturn let me tell you is a killer as it puts fear into myself (Ascendant) and into my relationships (Descendant). It forms an inconjunct aspect to my natal Venus in the 11th house of friends, my chart ruler so here is an awkwardness that I suffer from, difficult things happen to me that mean that I am always having to adjust, nothing is straight forward in regard to myself (Venus rules Ascendant), my friends and groups (11th house). I feel fear with friends and groups and also with intimacy and sexual matters too (Venus rules 8th house). I am being straight and honest here, coming out with my problems in a most open manner.
You'll also see that Saturn squares my Midheaven, the point of career on my chart and my natal Mercury, the way my mind works. Saturn makes me work very hard for anything that I achieve in a professional manner through the connection to the Midheaven, easy solutions don't come my way. More pertinently, the square to my natal Mercury is really difficult as it affects the way I think. I can be harshly critical of others and also harshly critical of myself. It does give me a matter of fact way of seeing the world, but in public situations (10th house Mercury) and in those important one to one moments, I can never say or rarely do the right thing, I truly fear saying what I really think. I suppose that I am fortunate that don't have Mercury retrograde or in the more timid and fearful signs of Virgo or Capricorn, otherwise I would be a hermit who never came out to face the world.
All this over the years have combined to make me a very sheltered person, someone who has trouble in letting go, in showing my emotions, in really living a fulfilling life. I get so frustrated, as I want to let go and to live the way others do, but I am terrified of showing myself up, of looking like an idiot. Saturn is a stern voice inside my head admonishing me, blocking me, telling me "No you can't."
If ever in Astrology you see Saturn affecting the Sun, the Ascendant or any of the other personal planets you'll know that some inhibition does lie within the personality and it will need someone or something to bring that shyness out. I always think that in time (Saturn rules the concept of time) one will eventually get over some of the things that hold you back, but you may need help of others, especially if the 1st, 5th, 7th, 8th, 10th or 11th houses are involved.
Are you shy, timid or suffer from inhibition like I do? Would you like to share your experiences with me. Remember, a problem shared can be a problem halved. Get in touch and let me know. Come out and start to let those fears start to go... :)
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