In Your Dreams

I love sleeping
It's the only time my head is at peace
The voices are gone
The arguments cease
The constant tug of war is silent
I can slip away in to another time, another place
My dreams
I love dreaming too
It's like being in a movie
Anything could happen
Everything is possible
There are no limits
No boundaries
Imagination takes over and the lines between fantasy and reality are blurred
I remember when I was using I had the most intense dreams
They were so real that sometimes when I think back on that time I can't work out if an event really happened or if I dreamt it
I get plagued by night terrors from time to time
The first time I experienced them I was just home from a alcohol fueled holiday in Spain
That night I went to sleep and had the most freakiest dreams
Nightmares that seemed so real
I remember trying to wake myself up but I felt like I was underwater and couldn't find my way to the surface
My mother heard me screaming and came in to wake me
I was so afraid that I actually slept beside my mother so she could wake me up if it happened again
I'm sure it was partly due to the amount of alcohol I drank and then the shock of having none at all
It has happened a few times since but never as bad as that night
I also have a recurring dream about once or twice a week
The dream can be different but my ex-boyfriend is always in it
There are always drugs in the dream and he always has them
In the dream I don't want to be around my ex but I want the drugs
Very rarely do I actually use drugs in my dreams but a lot of the time I'm trying to get them or someone else has them
I'm always so relieved when I wake up from the dream
Relieved that I am not back in my old life
I'm not quite sure why I dream about my ex so much
I have no feeling for him
I have no desire to see him or speak to him
He rarely pops in to my mind and yet he makes appearance after appearance in my dreams
I started going out with this boy when I was 16
I was in the local swimming club and he was a lifeguard
He had a reputation of being a drug user
That made him even more attractive to me
We started going out and from the get go drugs were involved
He was the one that introduced me to heroin
As we became addicted we became less like a couple and more like partners in crime
It was all about the drugs
I probably would've left long ago if I wasn't so dependant on him
It really was a sick relationship
I couldn't stand being around him of I was sober
I suppose at one point I did love him
Or thought I loved him
But over time the relationship fizzled out
And when I moved away and got clean I left him and  my old life behind
I know that he is now also on a methadone programme
Apart from that I know little else how he is doing
So I don't know why I have this dream over and over again
Maybe I feel that I have unfinished business with him
Maybe on some level I miss those days
Maybe it means something else
I do believe that our dreams mean something
Whether we know what that meaning is or not
Do you believe that our dreams have a meaning?
Do you have a recurring dream?