The guest post that follows is reprinted in memory of its author, Michelle Pammenter Young. While I never had the opportunity to meet Michelle in person, we spoke by phone, and corresponded by email. Michelle was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer in 2012 and died in 2014. She used her short time from diagnosis to her passing to do the things that were important to her. She took chances, authored a book, and did what brought her joy.
Cancer, a Gift or a Curse?
I have heard told that having cancer is a gift. When people say that to me I want to ask them if they are crazy. Or how about “would you like a gift like this?” Why in the world would anyone truly believe getting cancer is a gift? A gift is something that you unwrap on some special occasion, that you ooh and aah over and if it’s a well thought out gift, you will probably cherish it for the rest of your life.
My cancer did not come in a nicely wrapped box with a bow on top. I did not jump up and down with glee when I got it, no, far from it. My cancer diagnosis tore my world apart. Here I was quietly minding my own business, being a supportive wife to my husband and trying to be a good mother to my children. I had just returned from two amazing holidays, one in Australia and one in Texas. Life was fantastic.
Suddenly the rug got ripped out from under me. I landed hard, flat on my back, too stunned to comprehend. Why would I get a life threatening cancer? Who did I anger in order for this terrible life-ending prognosis to be assigned to me? The questions were endless and the first few months, as I was rushed into aggressive chemotherapy, were very challenging.
Slowly I came to understand my illness, I began writing a blog to help let the pain and fear out and I decided not to hide behind my illness, but to go out into the world and live as best I could. On some days it took all my strength to walk around the block. On others, I was so sad I wanted to hibernate and never look another human being in the eye again. I persevered, through sheer persistence, with the help of my friends and family. I took each day as it came and eventually I could see the light at the end of the long dark tunnel.
My writing brought me joy and the feedback from my readers brought me more joy. I was onto something here. From my bed in my little part of the world I was making an impact. I was helping people. My raw and no holds barred posts about chemotherapy and radiation were helping other cancer patients to understand what they were up against. It became addictive. I’d share my experiences and within a few hours I’d hear from women and men all over the world. So then I put it out there and asked my readers what they would like me to write about and I did my best to tackle those subjects.
I was flying high. So this begs the question. Is this a gift from cancer? If I had not been diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer would I have started writing eventually one day? Does it take a cancer diagnosis or some other dramatic life event for us to search inside ourselves and find our purpose, our passion, what drives us? I sincerely hope not.
Can I suggest that rather than waiting for your world to come crashing down, how about spending some time trying to find out what drives you. What brings you joy? If you could do anything in the world, what would it be? Can you incorporate that into your life, even if it’s only in a little way right now? Happiness builds on happiness. Starting a small life affirming project now could lead to filling your entire life with joy.
So go ahead. Take the plunge. I dare you.
Photo by: Gadbois photography
