There’s something that I see happen a lot when fat people are defending ourselves or become angry about the way we are treated. I see it on this blog in the comments and on other blogs, on Facebook, I’ve done it myself. Someone will get upset, rant a little, perhaps swear a little then they’ll write “I’m sorry that I’m ranting” or “I’m sorry that I got angry.”
As always you are the boss of your underpants and if you say this or feel this way then that is totally cool. I also think that it can happen because anger/ranting/profanity are sometimes not well received, they can make people uncomfortable: [Trigger Warning - there's about to be a lot of swearing.]
For example, today I saw a post whose author, responding to the fact that The Biggest Loser is trying to include kids this season, wrote “WTF”. People immediately attacked the use the acronym - saying that they were going to stop reading the blog, un-friend the person on Facebook etc. Several claimed that it was over-dramatizing to even use the term.
Ok look, they are putting kids on a show that contestants have described as a “dehumanization process.” They are suggesting that kids should have role models who dehydrate themselves to the point of urinating blood in order to lose weight to win money. They are suggesting that kids should look up to trainers who tell their clients to put their health at risk by ignoring the advice of doctors and dieticians because that advice might make them lose a game show and not win money. The First Lady of the United States thinks this is a dandy idea and many people, for reasons passing my understanding, think that is a good enough reason to do it.
As far as I’m concerned, “WTF” doesn’t even begin to cover it. What the fuck? What the fuckity fuck? What the ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK! This is so severely messed up that there is not language strong enough to discuss it. What will happen, not just to the three kids on the show, but to all the kids whose parents, teachers, authority figures etc. decide that this is the best way to treat fat kids? There’s an Ani DiFranco lyric that says “if you’re not angry, then you’re just stupid or you don’t care.” I won’t go that far, but I do think that if ever there was a time for a little WTF, this is it.
Fat people face an absolute torrent of shame, stigma, bullying and oppression almost everywhere we turn. We face it at home from friends and family who have been taught by society that we should be shamed “for our own good” in some kind of logic-defying effort to make us hate ourselves healthy. We face it at work when our company has a point of view about our body size rather than focusing on our work performance. We face it at the doctor’s office when our actual symptoms are ignored and our health put a risk by doctors who diagnose us as fat and prescribe weight loss the minute they see us, never hearing a word we say. We face it from well-meaning strangers who have been taught by society that a fat body is an indication that we need outside advice, especially that of strangers with no particular health training who think that being thin makes them an expert on how to become thin – like being a brunette makes them an expert on willing your hair to turn brown. We face it from not-so-well-meaning strangers who try to beat us down to make themselves feel better in a society that beats everyone down. We are certainly not the only group who faces this, but we face it nonetheless, and – like the trainers on The Biggest Loser – we are told by society that we should be thankful for the massive war being waged against us because their plan of eradicating the world of everyone who looks like us is a kindness, and we should say thank you and get on the treadmill.
I’m a very outcome-based activist and so I often find myself politely asking people to please stop oppressing me, and I don’t regret or apologize for that. I also try to keep my cool during media appearances, talks etc. because I find it to be more effective in reaching my goals to calmly state my case, and I don’t regret or apologize for that. I use humor because I find that effective in getting my point across and I don’t regret or apologize for that. And I definitely get angry sometimes, and I certainly rant sometimes (as my regular readers can attest), and I certainly swear sometimes . Now when I find myself about to apologize for that, I rethink things. It’s ok to get angry. It’s ok to rant. It’s ok to swear. I’m not fucking sorry.
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I do size acceptance activism full time. A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.
