I have always been a curvy girl, size 14 but was always happy and never bothered with my weight. That was until I met my ex and having my little girl, my weight went wild to 21st and a size 24. It made me feel like shit but looking back now, even when I looked in the mirror I never actually saw how big I was.
It really got me down, tried every single diet going, pills from the doctor, pills from the internet and even starving myself. I tried it all too loose weight.
It didn’t help that my daughter’s father had cheated constantly, even had an affair with my own step sister. YES I knew and she admitted it, even though he denied it. I made myself block it out, my family turned against me as I stayed and believed him, I needed him. In my head I couldn’t be without him.
He would tell me other girls were prettier than me and that he would sleep with them if given the chance. He would flirt and touch, making rude remarks at other girls in front of me, I made a joke out of it as if it was all him messing around but Inside I was dying.
My confidence had hit rock bottom, my weight gaining and he knew I wouldn’t leave him. I needed him.
I thought about surgery as I thought if I was skinny he would treat me better, but deep down that was just a dream. I saw I had made myself like this so I had to live with the consequences..
In October 2010 my doctor offered me surgery, I accepted but again deep down I never thought it would happen. I went for my consultation, got the funding straight away, I was 23 stone with a BMI of 45.
Then the blow I had to lose 3 stone by myself before they would let me have it, as the doctor did whole operation through keyhole.
I left feeling gutted as I knew it was hard for me lose weight. Come June a lot of people had commented I’d lost weight (I couldn’t really see it myself). I stepped on scales and was 10lb off my target, so I was buzzing, did all I could to shift this last few pounds.
July came I did it, so rang hospital and told them. I got my pre op assessment through for 18th August, that all went well. I was generally fit and healthy to stand the operation By this time my ex was begging me not to do it…finally I thought he does care. I still thought this is either a dream or it will take years to get the operation.
Two weeks later a phone call came saying I was due to have the operation on October 25th. I was excited, nervous scared.
Two weeks before the operation I had to live on 3 pints of milk each day and 2 Actimel yoghurts to shrink my liver so that I could have the operation via keyhole surgery.
I then had a letter through the post on 11th October my operation had been rescheduled for 15th October YES in 4days time.
Come the morning of my operation I didn’t think I could do it, what if something happened to me on the operating table I mean I’ve got a 5year old daughter am I being selfish for doing this? If something did happen to me I would be leaving my daughter without a mommy.
It was too late; I was on way to theatre
Four hours later I had the operation was in recovery back on the ward. I had a Sleeve gastrectomy fitted, which is basically 85%of my tummy removed.
I have 5 tiny little scars on my belly and was up walking little steps 3 hours after my operation. I was , home after spending only 2 nights in hospital. But the road to recovery was long and hard, I had no help off my daughter’s dad, he carried on putting me down and made me feel worthless and selfish because I had done something for myself.
I kept falling asleep due to the amount of tablets I was on, I could stand for no longer than 20 minutes at a time, yet was also expected to cook his tea and clean the house.
By Christmas I had lost 6 more stone, I was feeling good, confidence was booming and I started to realize I didn’t need or want this pathetic excuse of a man in my life.
I finally found the courage tell him it was over, wasn’t easy at all he changed completely he locked me and my daughter in my house for 3 hours where he subjected me to verbal, physical and sexual abuse, resulting in broken cheekbone, bruised forehead, swollen face, marks on my neck from being strangled.
At one point I thought this is it I’m going to die here tonight in front of my own daughter by her dad all because I had done something for myself and lost weight and gained confidence.
Bet your wondering did I call the police? YES on 3 separate occasions for assaulting me and every single time he was let off with a caution, a joke I know.
Finally after 2 months of harassment every day I was forced to move home and change my number he finally left me be, I realised he didn’t “care” he just knew I would finally get the strength to leave.
It’s not been easy so please don’t think I’ve taken the easy way out. It’s taken me nearly 7months before I was eating real food, lived on soup which I had to liquidise then sieve before I could eat it.
I will be on minerals and vitamins for life now, I am also anaemic and now a secret bulimic because I am so afraid of putting weight on.
I now weigh 9st 8, size 8 clothes have and have an amazing new partner who has showed me how women should be treated, he’s gave me back my confidence. But deep down I am not happy with myself and this is why after eating I make myself sick, scared to put weight on, I tell people it’s since my operation that’s why I am sick but I can’t use this excuse forever.
I often go 3-4 days without food and jus drink water, I didn’t expect this. I just wanted to be skinny and feel loved but I don’t regret it at all and would I recommend surgery to others….YES!!!
