I decided to write a new series. This series spawns from a Celebrate Recovery group and talking about feeling “helpless in relationships”. The truth is, I was very powerful, I just didn’t know it. What your soul knows, and what your spirit knows are two different things. It’s so important we listen to our spirit , to save ourselves. This is the beginning of a series of writings on saving myself and releasing my relationships.
(It was a process for me to discuss fully, in group, because as soon as I spoke up about why I tend to feel worried and procrastinate on things that are important, I realized that this vulnerable space I often feel between not worrying and trusting God causes me my life.)
I Am Enough Because I Am Insightful.
Being Insightful requires we are intuitive. We think clearly. we consider and that we make decisions. For a very long time, I did not make decisions. I chose not to. Because I was too afraid. I decided that if I made a decision someone would suffer, and most likely would be for someone I loved. And of course, it would be me, as well. I was in a relationship where I wasn’t treated very well, and I chose to stay. I did think of leaving …more than once. Yet I suffered. I decided the day I made the decision to move on, that I would not be in a relationship again until I knew “who I was”, in that relationship. Because I had gone so long in this relationship without an identity. So long… and didn’t change anything about myself. How crucial it was, to own my soul. Every time I gave it away, I wold give away a piece of myself. I decided that I would work on changing myself, and to stop dreaming. I wrote down on a piece of paper all the things that were wrong. It turns out , those things were the things that hurt me the most, and had begun to leave scars. So I needed to leave, in order to no longer be treated that way.
And I did. The day I chose to leave, several my destiny began to be released. I began to feel and be happier. I felt a weight lift off of my chest. I began to smile more, and care less about the person who hurt me, and more about myself first; because for the first time I saw surprise in their eyes. They couldn’t predict my actions. And that was good stuff. And that surprise to me was a sign I was doing something right. So, I began to move along and do more out of the box – selfish, yet self-loving acts.
Before I left the relationship, I was really meditating on hearing my spirit more, and one of the phrases I heard often was: “Take care of the God in you.” The God in me, was loving, caring full of strength, love and full consideration of how to love others back in a righteous way, and that, I wanted to model for others, and for my children, one day as well. I began to keep my ears keen for people who demonstrated the same kind of love for me, and on the weekend of October 14th, 2005, I heard it. It as very keen, and it was exactly what I was looking for. Although l really didn’t expect it so soon. A man I didn’t know very well, (yet considered a friend from a leadership event a year before) , began to speak to my heart. We talked for hours that weekend. And it was as if every moment was absorbed through my ears, into my skin, my intuition, and straight into my heart. He spoke to my worth. That honorable and distinguished man became my husband. All of the junk and the misconceptions and lies were washed out of my brain and my head was clear enough to hear it.
I decided that day, I would begin a new journey to loving me, because I knew once I began to truly love myself, I would feel completely deserving o my own good. And even when opportunities presented, I would find them to grace my life with complete favor.
Insight involves three beautiful life-changing factors:
- Intuition. Intuition is described as : “the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.” There are some issues we experience in life, we just know. We don’t know ‘how we know, but like my former pastor in Texas used to say:“We just know it in our knower.” I have collected and meditated even, upon this thought over and over when I needed to make a the right decision, and depending upon my “knower” was always what held me upright and allowed me to keep my head up – without shame, in the end.
- Knowledge. Knowledge because it takes the sifting of what we learn via our intuition, to help us move forwards without disgrace. and move forward with our heads held high in confidence we are moving in the right direction.
- Understanding. Understanding is like to icing on the cake. Once you have a good taste of it, it helps sort of stays with you and gives you that” forever-flavor’ in life. If you have forever” flavor”, you have wisdom. The Bible says ” The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.” ESV. It also tells us to even not rely on our own understanding. I have seen far too many rely on it, and fall back on shame. And often disgrace, for a lifetime.
When you don’t have these three awesome factors, you fall upon inexperience, naivete’ you become neglectful, it effects your reputations and you become really insensitive towards others. I used to always pray for God to keep me humble, Sometimes I believe the results of those prayers today are embedded in my character, with insight, because I listened within, and I heard myself speak in my heart, as well as my soul.
I prompt you today:
To LISTEN to yourself. Remind yourself constantly of what you believe in, and then… walk it out.
As long as it protects your thought life, your reputation, your spirit, and your life hold on to what you believe!
Question:
When was the last time you listened to someone else before yourself, and how much did it cost you?
(You don’t even have to say what the circumstance involved – just share how much it cost you.)
