Politics Magazine

I Am Basically a Liberal

Posted on the 28 May 2015 by Calvinthedog

Note: This list was made up by conservatives. These are lame, dishonest conservative memes meant to dress up every conservative pig idea with lipstick and make it seem like something any decent person would support.

• Definition of marriage – Liberal, support gay marriage.

• Abortion policies – Liberal, support abortion.

• Voter ID requirements – Liberal, oppose Voter ID, otherwise known as  the “Keep the Niggers from Voting” laws.

• Border security enforcement – Conservative, increase security at the border. I don’t know what the liberal position on this is. I assume it must be Open Borders or some dangerous mental illness like that.

 Balanced budget – Liberal, balanced budget is not only stupid and pointless, it’s also insane and a very bad idea.

 Expressions of American pride – Liberal, could care less. This stuff is all rightwing anyway. No one ever cheers for the progressive things about this country. When we start doing that, I will pick up a flag. Let me know.

 Government controlling health care – Liberal, but Obamacare isn’t even government health care, state health or social medicine like the whole world has. It’s insurance reform. The entire health care system is still run by the capitalists for a profit. So Obamacare is not government run healthcare in any way, shape or form. That conservatives flipped out about this (no large group of voters from any nation on Earth would have acted as reactionary as US conservatives did) just shows how insane they are.

 Energy independence relying on fossil fuels – Liberal, this is a code word for Drill baby drill. Putting new oil rigs everywhere, especially off the coast (check out Santa Barbara) and even more outrageously in the Arctic Ocean (a truly insane and even evil idea). Maximum fracking, which is just wrong in so many ways and should simply be banned,  or if not banned, states should hopefully decide to ban it in their state as New York did. It’s just not worth it.

• Firearm ownership – Liberal, want to throw out the 2nd Amendment.

 Definition of equality – Liberal, I don’t even know what that means, but I never knew conservatives even believe in the concept of equality in any way, shape or form. I guess this means conservatives oppose equality.

 Government’s role in our lives – Liberal, I love Big Government programs that protect the environment, help consumers, protect us from unsafe products, break up monopolies, crack down in corporate fraud. I also support all social programs to help Americans. As far as the ugly end of government’s role in our lives, as punitive cops at home and world cops in the US imperium (the whole world), conservatives apparently want to maximize this. So conservatives want to maximized everything bad about government and oppose everything good about it. Just one more way conservatives suck.

 U.S. world leadership – Liberal. I guess this means conservatives think the US should be Dictator of the World. That’s usually what “US world leadership” means. It’s just a code word for US imperialism. A bipolar or multipolar world is a safer world.

I got 11 out of 12 liberal. That means I am 92% liberal and 8% conservative. Can someone please tell me why liberals and Leftwingers hate me so much. All they ever do is call me reactionary, fascist, conservative, Republican, bla, bla. They always say, “Lindsay, you are NOT a liberal!”

WTH. Exactly what do I have to do to satisfy these leftwing nuts and meatheads?

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