Athletics Magazine

I Almost Committed a Felony

By Brisdon @shutuprun

Vacation has come and gone. I am now staring Ironman Boulder in the face with only 8 days to go. Below is the scene of the finish line – it is ready for all of the elated, dehydrated, crawling, puking, smiling athletes that will cross over it:

I am soooo excited!

Let’s talk vacation!!

Well, the only way to use frequent flier tickets to get to Phoenix was to get up in the middle of the night to leave on a 6:00 a.m. flight. I hate to fly, but I have heard the best/safest time to fly is in the morning. At least we had that going for us.

Why do I hate to fly? I don’t know. Something about being squeezed into a tin can with 200 other grumpy people (and their luggage) and flying 35,000 up in the sky. It just does not make sense to me how any of that works.

At least we had a nice sunrise.

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We got to Phoenix at 6:45 a.m. Nothing else to do but eat. Ken is tired, annoyed and hangry. Emma is confused. Sam is put-out. I am just happy to be on the ground. Family selfie at its best.

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We toured Arizona State.

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It was fun except for 113 degree weather made me melt and sweat. We walked to Mill Street and I saw where I will go one morning if I make a mistake the night before:

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Do you think if you are born with a name like “Tattoff” your destiny is set? Like, if you are born with the name Chris P. Bacon you will own a butcher shop or if you are born with the last name Flasid you will be a sex therapist?

The kids actually got along just dandy. They do better when we are on trips than when we’re at home. See? Sam is only shoving the bottle up Emma’s nose, not hitting her over the head with it.

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I spent some time on the bike that goes nowhere.

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We road-tripped to Vegas from Phoenix. This next picture epitomizes the “only seen in Vegas” philosophy. What is it, you may ask? Why, it’s a dancing penis (and testicles)! I am not sure why that guy is laying down in front of the penis. What do you think?

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When we checked in at our hotel, I did my usual and said it was our 19th anniversary, so did they have any upgrades? (in my defense it was our 19 year anniversary in June). They put us in a room on the 31st floor with a view of the Bellagio fountains and the Strip. Not bad! The kids’ room faced the highway. Tough break.

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This next picture should prove to you I really am a mother who loves her children. I’m pretty sure they barely remember me after 4 months of Ironman training.

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Sam and Emma kept putting this in front of the elevator. I don’t know where they got their tendency to always want to prank people.

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I was almost asked to leave the pool because of these ten things:

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I honestly don’t think my feet have ever been uglier. Between the fingerish toes, callouses, blisters, black toenails and toe jam, I am committing a FEET-lony (get it? felony?)

As I kid I always loved to do this in the pool. I have passed this along to my children.

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My trip consisted of the two C’s. Corn nuts and chardonnay in a plastic cup. CLASSY!

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We broke down and decided to spend a million dollars and ride the new High Roller observation wheel. I got advance tickets online, so it was actually kind of affordable. I paid for the tickets by standing on the Strip in a penis costume.


Yes, these  pods really do hold 40 people.

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At the top:

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Christmas card?

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I did not get in all the training I wanted. I ran and biked a few days. The Vdara Hotel was supposed to (according to reviews) have a lap pool and it did not (<actually the pool there really stank as far as Vegas pools go so we went to the Aria). I missed all of my swims. Oh, well. (<I know I seem laid back about it. I was not. I had to have Ken convince me a missed workout was not going to kill me).

8 days to go!!


Ever met anyone with a funny name? Two of my friends in high school (sisters) were named Cheddar and Swiss.

Are you taking a vacation this summer? Give details! This is it although Ken and I are doing the EPIC relay in the Tetons in a couple of weeks.

Do you have a tattoo you LOVE? Or do you hate it and want it removed by Dr. Tattoff? I am considering an M-Dot after Boulder. We will see.


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