Hp

It's TuesdayYesterday was a bank holidaySo as I write this I am sitting in the waiting room of the doctorsI don't particularly like bank holidays There's something kind of lonely about them And spent much of yesterday comatose on the couchAsleep at least 
I really wanted to get to a meeting last nightI hadn't been to one since last WednesdayAnd really needed to get back on the horseI was planning on going to an NABut was having a lot of trouble trying to peel myself off said couchEveryone keeps telling that I should ask for helpFrom GodFrom my Higher PowerFrom whoever it is that watches over meSo I decided to give it a goIt went something like this 
Hello?Em hi it's Ruby hereBut you already know thatI know I don't talk to you as much as I should And I only do when I need somethingBut I really need your help right nowPlease help me find the strength to go back to meetingsPlease help me put last Wednesday behind meI really need these meetings So it would be great if you could sort that outLots of love, Ruby 
I wasn't expecting anything to happenBut not five minutes later Marie texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to a meetingMmm truth is stranger than fictionShe never texts on a Monday As she has collegeBut because of the bank holidayShe was offI  texted her back that I would love to goAnd we arranged to meetWas that my higher power at work?You tell me......
I called in to Marie for 8pmWe picked up another girlAnd set off for the meetingWhich was about half an hour awayI was not looking forward to the driveAs my paranoid head had me convinced that the girl we picked up doesn't like meBut what's new?I never believe that anyone likes meMaybe because I don't like myself
We arrived at the meeting a little lateWe slipped in the door And took the nearest seatsIt was a women only meetingAnd I was glad It was actually my first one Despite my anxietyThere was a lovely atmosphere in the roomAnd I felt instantly relaxedOne by one The speakers went around the roomIt was coming up on my turnAnd since my last little prayer went so well I decided to say another oneTo ask my HP to help me to speak honestly and openlyAnd to not feel afraid or anxiousI spokeAs honestly as I could I felt only a little anxietyAnd it felt amazing to talk so freelyIt really was a lovely meetingWith some amazing ladiesI was so glad I wentAnd so grateful to my friends for their support
In my car on the way homeI turned down my radioAnd spoke out loud on my own in the carThanking my HP for pulling me through For helping me get to a meetingFor bringing such wonderful people in to my lifeAnd for helping me believe in myself againPeopleI am a believerMaybe there is more to this Higher Power than I first thought
I've often heard people at meetings talk about God as they understand himAnd there's a lot of talk about God doing for us what we can't do for ourselvesIt never really meant that much to meBut I am beginning to see how it can helpAnd it is a comforting thought to think that there is something Something bigger than meThan all of usThat is watching overAnd looking after meI don't know if I believe in God in the traditional senseBut my mom always tells me to pray to my grandmother who died a couple of months after I was bornThat makes more sense to me than an all powerful God
We keep a note pad on the counter in our kitchenTo write down shopping lists and suchYesterday I noticed that my sister had left me a little note that said
Go to a meeting!!God could and would if he were sought!
It was lovely to see itAnd it really spurred me on to go to a meeting And I'm so glad that I went last nightIt did me the world of goodI feel like I'm back on track nowBack on the horse
My dad is down for a few daysAnd we were chatting this morningI was telling him what happened at the meeting last weekHe asked me if I am a people pleaserI asked him if he thought I was He said he didMy father is the type of person who says what he thinksAnd doesn't worry about trying to please all of the people all of the timeHe said that must be exhausting And it is absolutely I admit itI really worry what others think of meAnd do my best to get people to like meMy dad said that people pleasing backfires That people would in fact have more respect for me if I spoke my mind And said what was true for meI'm thinking he is rightAnd it's something that I really want to work onThe fact isThat my confidenceAnd self esteem is on the floorI need to build myself upTo be more sure of myselfTo be able to speak my mindAnd not be such a timid little mouse all the time I'm a prime target for bullies and the likeAnd I don't want to be
I guess this is all stuff that I can work onAnd I know of I keep doing what I'm doingMy confidence and self esteem will grow and growI just need to keep plugging away at recoverySo that's what I will do
I was wondering about youDo you believe in God or a higher power?How does your faith help you?Do you think it's important to have faith in recover?And alsoAre you a people pleaser?Or if you used to beHow did you break the cycle of it?I would love to know.....