I sat alone on a balcony in Bondi, Sydney in November I held the burning hot end of my cigarette against the area between my thumb 
and finger I felt the pain flood through my body. I did not feel relief I felt guilt.
Guilt that I had fought so hard to control my need to harm myself and guilt that I was not being a good role model to the many self-harmers who follow me on Twitter.
I dropped that cigarette and I resisted the strong urge to burnt myself again
Days later I found myself swigging back vodka and soda. This diet had replaced my intake of food and those that read my blog and follow me, know that I self-harm by starving my body of food.
Again I knew what I was doing was wrong and before I allowed my craving to spiral out of control, I swapped the vodka for a large bowl of fruit and yoghurt.
Today I after making lunch I washed down the top of the cooker, the hob was still hot to touch, enough to burn, an excuse I have seen me use many times. Coincidently cleaning the cooker after cooking burns you.
As I swiped the wet cloth across the hob still burning slightly red, I felt the heat consume my hand and instead of holding my hand there as usual, I pulled it back
I reminded myself in that spilt second that I was fighting my own need to self-harm and how can I help others if I am failing at my own advice?
Twitter stopped me from self-harming
