The whole idea of this post is absurd, but this is what we believed back then. I now know that I was completely straight my whole life, but at the time I didn’t understand the permanence of male sexual orientation. We boys and young men thought straightness was sort of this “weak force” that could become damaged, the result being that you would actually turn homosexual. In that sense, all straight men were at risk of turning gay at any time and you had to do various things to make sure this didn’t happen.
I now know that no man turns gay ever, like no man turns straight but at the time, we didn’t know that.
I had considerable anxiety as I was growing up that I might “turn gay,” and I was determined to make sure that didn’t happen.
In 10th grade, I hung out with “the nerds,” who were a bunch of high-IQ brainac boys. We spent lunch in the Chess Club playing chess like complete fucktards. There were 20 nerd boys in this group and no girls at all, not even nerdy girls. It was a disturbing setup.
I was friends with all of these boys, but many of them were actually effeminate. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. None of them had anything to do with girls. They also expressed no interest whatsoever in girls. The whole setup was disturbing. Not only were we being fucktards, but we were practically being faggots or proto-faggots too. I started to worry that this friend scene was a very bad idea.
I didn’t know any girls, but at least I was interested. I got an erection if the wind blew, and pornographic heterosexual fantasies played nonstop in my head. I had rounded up some dirty novels and nonfiction books with sex scenes, and this was my fantasy material. One was a scene out of Manchild in the Promised Land. Another was at the beginning of The Godfather. At some point, I discovered skin magazines, and I used to spend a lot of time browsing the many Playboy-Penthouse type magazines around back then.
I still don’t know if these guys were pre-gay or gay (none were sexually) or they just couldn’t get a girl with God’s help. My Dad was very proud that I hung out with these idiots.
In 11th grade, I rebelled.
I decided if kept hanging around with these guys I might turn gay.
Most teenage boys back expressed some anxiety about turning gay, and a lot of them were actively doing things to make sure they didn’t turn gay.
I decided my Dad was an idiot, and he was trying to turn me into a faggot. I was pissed. My own father was unwittingly trying to turn me into a fag! Screw this. I think I even told him he was doing that, and he acted like it was the most outrageous thing he ever heard. He was happy that I was a “good kid” hanging around with these good boy nerds. It wasn’t a road to faggotry. It was a road to good citizenship.
I also had short hair, and girls hated that. This was the hippie era, and if you wanted to get a girl you had to grow your hair long. Short hair was “geek hair,” and girls openly despised it.
I decided I was going to try to get some chicks. I grew my hair long, quit hanging around with the idiots and started to hang out with jocks, surfers, drug dealers, party people, stoners, rock fans, and other bad boy punk kid types. I started going to parties, smoking weed, drinking, listening to rock music, and riding a skateboard. My friends were a bunch of glorified juvenile delinquents and soon I was too. World War 3 erupted between my father and me and it turned the whole house and family asunder and upside down with chaos and bad energy.
Well, it wasn’t long before I grew my hair long, started hanging around with cool guys, and turned into a delinquent that I started getting laid. I also started making out and whatnot with a lot of girls.
False Rape Charge
I think I actually had sex almost before I got kissed though, which is pretty weird. I dove right into sex. She was 14 and as a horny as a grown woman. I crossed the virgin barrier at 16, and boy was I happy.
She falsely accused me of rape afterwards and went around telling all of the girls I hung out with that I raped her. The weird thing is that all of those girls started acting quite afraid of me, but they also starting acting really horny around me. Being accused of rape made those girls fear me and want to fuck me at the same time.
Now there’s your Lesson 1 in Female Sexuality for the day!
Of course I didn’t rape her. We were both just blotto drunk.
It was classic #metoo Regret Rape bullshit. We got interrupted on the roof of an apartment building at 3 AM in the middle by an idiot we had sent away with a wink so we could screw. We figured he would get the hint but unfortunately he was a fucktard.
He came back and saw us having sex and instead of taking off, he stood there with his mouth open and expressed verbal shock and alarm. She jumped right off me and quickly said, “Now I’m not horny anymore.”
Lesson 2 in Female Sexuality for the day.
The dumbass was still standing there with the bottom fallen out of his mouth. “Lindsay,” he said. “I will never think the same way about you ever again.” His look was solemn and sincere.
Lesson 1 in ManWorld for the day.
I guess this is where the Regret Rape set in. She felt bad about having sex with me and was wracked with guilt. Therefore, I obviously raped her. This is “female logic,” and girls and women actually think like this and believe it is rational thinking.
Lesson 1 in Female Psychology for the day.
This was at a time when most of my friends were still virgins. So I was something of a mini-legend.
I also figured I had dodged a bullet and kept from turning gay, but the anxiety remained. If I didn’t have a date in a long time, I started worrying that if this state of affairs went on for too long, I might turn gay. This was very alarming to me. I spent much of my time from 15-26 with this as one of my deepest and most hidden fears. Of course, now I know it was an idiotic thing to fear, as stupid as worrying you might turn into a Martian, but back then, it was the real deal.
