Athletics Magazine

How Far Is Your Marathon and Other Crap Non-Runners Say

By Brisdon @shutuprun

Today we interrupt Lucky grieving for some snarkiness.

I was thinking about something that happened awhile back. A few days before I ran the Boston marathon in 2011, I was at the dentist. The hygienist was doing her thing with her hand stuffed in my open mouth. She did what most hygienists and dentists do and tried to have a conversation with her fist down my throat. I should have bit her off at the wrist. I think secretly they are narcissists who love having conversations where only they get to talk. Putting their hand in your mouth makes it so they can dominate the whole thing. Bastards.

How Far Is Your Marathon and Other Crap Non-Runners Say

Anyway, when I told her I was running Boston, she asked, “Oh! So, how far is that marathon?”

As if marathons were different distances. I guess theoretically you could get into the fact that there is such thing as a metric marathon, but I hardly think this was where her head was at. She simply thought that a marathon was a different distance depending where it was.

I am not trying to be an elitist. I realize that when it comes to running I have blinders on and can be obsessive. Once you know a lot about something it’s hard to understand how people do not know things. I’m not really one to talk, because I knew nothing about running just a few years ago and I’m sure I was entertainment for my runner friends.

I will say – I don’t mind if people laugh at me for not knowing about golf (“Do you really wash your balls at some holes?”) or my naiveté about the practice of law (“What does the penal code have to do with penises?”).


This got me to thinking about other things non-runners say that are funny:

-So, how was your marathon this weekend? Did you win?

-You know you could probably get the same running shoes at Wal-Mart for much cheaper

-Why do you have band aids on your nipples? Did you somehow get paper cuts on the way to the race?

-How far is a 5K marathon?

-How do you keep your uterus from falling out?

-I would run but my doctor says it might be bad for my knees.

-Can you send texts from that fancy watch of yours?

-Oh you’re running the Boston Marathon! Is that your first marathon?

-I don’t run anymore, but in high school I ran a sub three minute mile.

-Aren’t you worried about having a heart attack? That happens a lot during marathons you know (fact: happens to one in 100,000 people)

-I thought runners were skinny. You still look like you could lose a few.

What has a non-runner said to you lately? Feel free to add to the list


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