Everybody thinks that high self-esteem and narcissism are the same thing. Maybe 90% of folks on the Net talking about narcissism believe this. They’re all wrong. Yes, all narcissists (NPD’s) have high self-esteem (too high really), but many people have high self-esteem who are not narcissists ( NPD’s)
By the way, I have an official opinion from my favorite therapist, a Clinical Psychologist i have known for years, that I do not have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Idiots on the Net call me “narcissist” all the time, but they do not understand the word. But I was concerned enough that I was getting called this that I contacted my old therapist. The reason was because I was worried I was a narcissist (NPD). Why worried?
Because to tell the truth, I really do not like narcissists or NPD’s too much. I have known a few of them, and they turn me off. Some of them are out and out awful. The idea that I am one of these people I dislike so much was concerning to me. I would like to point out that it is dubious if anyone with NPD would ever worry about being a narcissist. The fact that you are worrying about such a thing in the first place indicates that you are probably not one because narcissists just don’t do that.
My therapist said I have “high self-esteem” which he said is generally regarded as a sign of good mental health. Please note that in recent years there has been a lot of backlash against high self esteem, with a lot of people saying it is not as good as we thought it was.
I now recognize that most of my best friends and role models of old had high self-esteem. Few if any of them were actual narcissists.
Most physicians, attorneys, professors and others with high positions I have met have high self-esteem and big egos, but few of them seemed to be actual narcissists.
I have dealt with a few famous people in my life, as in people who have Wikipedia entries, and they had very high self-esteem. In fact, some were out and out arrogant assholes with egos the size of small planets. But I doubt even these pricks were actual narcissists. They were just typical famous people with huge egos. Having a huge ego is a typical outcome for famous people, and big egos are omnipresent among those holding high positions in the professions.
The thing that is missing is the abuse. Simply having an excessively elevated opinion of yourself is not a definition of narcissism. Yes, narcissists have this, but many non-narcissists do too. The non-narcissists have what is called “high self-esteem.” The narcissists have behond high self-esteem on the Self-Esteem Highway off into full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
My therapist also said that another word for self-esteem was narcissism. So people with low self-esteem actually suffer from low narcissism, most folks have ordinary levels of narcissism necessary for any healthy life and people with high self-esteem have what is called high narcissism, which as noted, is thought to be a good thing. The problem is that as your self-regard grows higher and higher, you start to care less and less about others.
Simply put, abuse is an integral part of any NPD diagnosis. You can have an ego the size of Jupiter, but if you are still a good person who is nice and kind to other people, there is no way on Earth that you get an NPD diagnosis because we think that you are functioning well.
No abuse, no narcissism.
I don’t engage in narcissistic abuse of others. I have healthy friendships and relationships with women ( some of the later even go on long-term, as in years) and I get along well with at least some family members. Narcissists don’t have healthy relationships. Their relationships are full of narcissistic abuse and all the crap that goes along with that.
