Community Magazine

Have You?

By Rubytuesday
Have you ever woken up out of a dream only to be disappointed that you're still here?
Have you ever looked out your window at people and wished that you had one of their lives?
Have you?
Have you ever almost had a nervous breakdown because you gained 2 pounds?

Have you ever gone so long without washing that your hair sticks to your head with grease and there is dirt caked underneath your finger nails?
Have you ever walked along a cliff and had to physically stop yourself from jumping off?
Have you ever caught someone looking at you and the look on their face says 'That girl is crazy'?
Have you ever eaten out of a bin?
Have you ever wondered if you are going insane?
Have you?
Have you ever wanted to melt in to the floor because someone told you that you looked well?
Have you ever spun so out of control that you scare yourself?
Have you ever looked at your reflection in the mirror and not recognised yourself?
Have you?
Have you ever spent so much time alone that you forget how to interact with others?
Have you ever thought back on an event in your life and can't worked out whether it was a dream or if it actually happened?
Have you ever looked at the clock and can't work out if it's 4pm or 4am?
Have you ever realize that you can't remember that last time that you laughed?
Have you ever felt so fucked up that you think all hope is lost?

Have you ever wished that you were seriously ill so at least you'd have a reason to feel so bad?
Have you ever sat in front of a therapist and thought 'You have absolutely no idea what I'm going through?
Have you ever listened to a song on repeat and cried every time?
Have you ever felt so alone in a room full of people?
Have you?
Have you ever wished that someone would notice you, even just for a second?
Have you ever walked out a shop with a bag full of food without paying and half hoped that you would get caught?
Have you ever felt so cold that it gets in to your bones?
Have you ever felt like you can't connect with yourself never mind others?
Have you ever cut your own skin, just to see if you still feel?

Have you ever felt so angry and frustrated that you're still here?
Have you ever blinked and years have gone by?
Have you ever felt that your life is like a broken jigsaw and you can't for the life of you put the pieces back together?
Have you ever felt like you were destined for great things but you're too afraid to find out what they are?
Have you ever measured your self worth by the numbers on a scale, the smaller the number the better you feel?
Have you ever wondered what is the point?

Have you ever wished that no one cared so it would be easier to disappear?
Have you ever fantasized about the needle that you used to inject in to your neck?
Have you ever realised that the one thing you want is the one thing you can't have?
Have realised that you are hanging on for other people?
I have.....

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