So a lot has been happening in and around my life in recent times... lets just say I growing up. Trust me, the growth is long overdue. Recent events have made me realise that life is not how I look at it.
Its not about drawing lines and being uptight its about living loving and sharing... My values are still pretty much the same but I have learnt to loosen up and live a little.
Major thing on my mind... it was last week, a good friend of mine messaged me on BBM and said she loves and appreciate me (no homo) My reply was basically what? I figured she wanted to ask me for a favour or something of that sort...
She just wanted to tell me she appreciated me because she felt things like that should be done, life is too short and we don't know we may not have the opportunity... I know she meant it and I felt a tad bit ashamed of myself... was I that devoid of emotions? I thought...
A few friends here and there make fun of me and say stuff like I am emotionally un available and say all sorts we laugh about it but at that point it all began to come back to me.
This friend is one I have had to reach out and forgive, she has had to forgive me too and we have been through a lot both individually and as friends. We have had times we felt like we wanted to kill each other and time we have wished we were of different genders so we could marry each other (seeing as we are both heterosexual)
Bottom line is that I love this girl too but it had never crossed my mind to say it to her, not once! at that moment I decided for whatever it was worth I would let people know how I really felt about them good or bad. I haven't been one to let how I feel show on my face, I find it a bit weird to show emotions and I am perfect at hiding my feelings and whisper the words 'its fine'
So on this day, I typed it, I said it! I told her I loved her too and I appreciate our friendship and everything we have been through. I felt better... it actually felt good. I have decided to do that more often let the people around me know that I actually care about them and that cheeky almost plastic smile I wear almost always actually means something.
We grow up everyday... it might be uncomfortable and sometimes painful but its growth and its needed.