My 'anorexic clothes' as I call them
And for the longest time I have resisting doing this
Mainly because I had no intention of gaining weight
But weight gain is going to happen
For real
These clothes are not going to fit me anymore and I hopefully I won't ever need them again
This is not just a closet clean out
This is saying goodbye to anorexia
It's making a commitment to gain weight and maintain it
It's an action that says 'I'm moving on and I'm leaving my ED behind me'
I guess it's symbolic
Symbolic of saying goodbye to my anorexic self
I don't need to tell you how hard this is
So during the week I began the 'purge' of my 'anorexic clothes'
My mother was close by for moral support
To be honest a lot of the stuff was clothes that I just didn't wear any more regardless of the size
I filled 2 black bags
I have to admit though I kept my favorite anorexic clothes
My reason being that I need them for the moment
I found the blue jeans that I am wearing in the photos below, in a shop in France a few years ago
I was 80lbs and I was overjoyed to find a lovely pair of jeans that actually fit me
I love them
They are by far my favorite jeans
Throwing them out is proving very difficult
I've had to think about how I'm going to handle my clothes situation when in treatment
I don't want to bring a selection of clothes in different sizes
So what I've decided to do is bring is the clothes that fit me right now
Leave clothes that will fit me at home
And my mother can bring them in as I need them and take the clothes that are too small home with her
It's the easiest way I think
Mary suggested that because I am on a limited income that I ask my parents for help buying some new clothes
Financially I mean
I think that is a stroke of genius, he he!
So this morning my mother and I hit the shops
I live near a surfing town so there are a few really cool surf shops with funky hoodies
I have jeans in every size known to man so I don't need any new ones
So today my mission was to buy a couple of hoodies
I am a hoody, jeans and trainers girl
I guess the look is kind of surfy but I am by no means a surfer
We concentrated on one shop as that is all I could really handle
Within a couple of minutes of being in the shop I found 4 hoodies that I really liked
I tried them all on and it wasn't as traumatic as I was anticipating
The smallest size was too big for me that's good as I can grow in to them
I narrowed my choice down to 2 and I was really happy with them
I also bought a little hat
All in all it was a positive experience and I am so grateful to my mother for helping me out
These things are stressful and my mother is a great support
This is another step in embracing recovery
Weight gain has always been my down fall but now I feel ready
I feel ready for treatment
I feel ready to fight hard
I feel so ready to leave this illness behind me and live my life
Bring it on weight gain!
So here are my new threads
I'd love to know what you think?
Blue fleecy hoody, Roxy and favorite blue jeans
Navy hoody with flowers
To keep my little head warm
