Being Betrayed is hard enough to swallow, let alone, when that Betrayal is of the Infidelity kind.
When he first find out about the Betrayal, a rash of emotions will overcome you.
- Anger
- Disbelief
- Grief
- Despair
- Helplessness
- Crushed
- Panic
- Depressed
- Agony
And many, many more negative feelings.
Where you go after finding out about the Betrayal depends on the part(ies) involved. I say part(ies) because if it was an Infidelity, there is definitely a 3rd party as well as possible a 4th. You’ll have two (2) options as I see it. You either separate from the person committing the Betrayal or you and that person decided to try and work out the issues and move forward.
ACCEPTANCE
Accepting what happened and deciding to Move Forward is a very difficult decision to make because:
- You have to truly want to work hard to Forgive the actions, not Forget, and Move Forward
- Your partner needs to commit to letting go of his Infidelity and Moving Forward with your relationship
If both parties aren’t in agreement, than the relationship is probably doomed and no chance of Moving Forward.
Relationship Difficulties – “Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.
If either parties chooses not to Accept the situation and Move Forward together, than, I’d recommend parting ways.
CHOOSING TO MOVE FORWARD
In order to Move Forward in your relationship and resolve issues and rekindle what was once lost, I believe it’s important to discuss the issues at hand. Hopefully, both part(ies) are willing to talk without hostility but in my opinion, it’s only natural for the “victim” to be absolutely upset.
Once all the cards are out on the table and both part(ies) agree to let go of the Infidelity situation, it’s time to work on Moving Forward.
TRUST ME WHEN I SAY, IT’S GOING TO BE HARD FOR BOTH PARTNERS!
For one, the Trust has been lost. For two, there is one (1) or two (2) other parties involved and an emotion connection that must be broken.
Continuing to dredge up the previous Adulterous actions, imo, will only push a wedge between the two of you. You must be able to Forgive, not Forget, and work on rebuilding your Trust and Love between the two (2) of you. Again, this is not easily done but I have found this to be important in my current situation.
Now the 4th party involved in my triangle, has not been doing this. He continues to bring up The She, The Him, Him Him, and She She. How do I know? Because I have been confided in. I have made my feelings known that I don’t believe this is a healthy way to Move Forward and Salvage the marriage. But I’m by far no expert.
IT TAKES TIME
The entire Infidelity situation will not disappear overnight nor will Trust, Love, or Intimacy be rekindle overnight.
These are very trying times, especially for the “victim” who probably just wants to turn back the clock to the “good ole days” and not the hurt he/she has endured.
HOW TO HEAL AND MOVE FORWARD
Again, I’m not expert, I can only express what I have been trying.
Don’t sulk on the previous actions. If you need medical assistance to help you through this, as I have, seek it. There are many types of anti-depressants you can take for a short time, hopefully, to help you cope with all the above mentioned emotions.
Counseling is another option to help you heal. Whether it be Marriage Counseling for both of you or Individual Counseling/Therapy.
Turn to friends and or family for Support. There are also many online Support Groups for these types of things, but I urge you to be CAUTIOUS. Some of those groups are full of hatred and bailing on the situation totally. EVERYONE’S situation is different. Don’t let anyone tell you how to handle your own.
GET THE HELP YOU NEED IN ORDER TO HELP YOU HEAL!
As a couple, try and have some fun. Whether it’s doing some activities that you both used to enjoy or maybe try something new together. You don’t need to rush into this, so both give yourself a little time.
Young Happy Couple “Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”
BABY STEPS
It may be very difficult for you to resume any kind of Intimacy. Take your time!
Act like you are dating again and re-explore each other. Hand holding, little kisses, a slap on the bum, whatever it takes. SEX isn’t the main priority here. You will know when you are ready and if first you don’t succeed, don’t give up. Just give yourself more time.
MOST IMPORTANTLY
If you must continue to think about the Infidelity, you’re not going to Move Forward. Both part(ies) must want to Move Forward together. Again, it will take time but if you BOTH want it, you hopefully can make it happen.
IN CLOSING
I’m by far no experience in this area but I have been reading a lot, I mean A LOT, on the subject recently. What may work for one, may not for someone else. The above is my own personal reflection on Accepting, Healing, and Moving Forward.
Regardless, only YOU know what you can endure and what you are willing to do. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. We only have but one life to live, try and make it as happy as possible.
