Freedom to Live

Today I am really struck by the freedom to liveWatching the crisis in SyriaAnd all those poor refugees I realize how lucky I am to live in a country where I am free to do as I pleaseBut not just free from prosecutionI am free from the my own demonsThe demons inside my headThe demons that drove me to the brink of deathFree from the drug that held me captive for so many yearsI was a slave to that drugAnd I never let myself forget how bad things were when I was addicted to heroinNever And of course my EDBouncing from anorexia to bulimia and back again The scary thing about these disorderd is that we don't realize how sick and near death we truly areI am one of the lucky ones I made it out relatively unscathed I think our thirties are a time when things either get a lot better Or a lot worseI guess it's when you really grow upAnd become an adultAddiction took so much out of meThe getting and using Finding ways and means to get drugs I had the energy for it in my twenties But nowNo way I don't have the energy Or the inclination to chase the dragonHeroin brought me to my knees And burned me out Mentally and physicallyAnd throw in an EDAnd I was broken It has taken until now Until I turn 34 To put the pieces of the jigsaw that is my life back together 
This morning I woke upWith a roof over my headIn a dry bed In a warm house My dogs wake me upWAnting to go outside I have no pressing worriesThe only thing in my mind is my upcoming birthdayAnd the family dinner we will haveI get up Throw on a hoody and slippersLet the dogs out Put the kettle onAnd make some toast I look out the window And see the mountains just beyond the back garden Every window in my house is like a huge wide screen TVShowing the beauty and wonder if this beautiful countryI turn on the radioAnd settle down with my tea and toastLike I said I have no worriesI am not strung out I am not gasping for a drink or drugI'm not weak from lack of food My body and mind are healthy My inner critic is silent I am at peace 
After a while I make my Mum breakfast and bring it down to her in bed Honey comes tooAnd Lea waits in the carI chat with Mum a while Then I get dressed I am lucky enough to have plenty of nice clothing I scrub up well if I make an effortNext I go and call my sisterShe sleep upstairsI think about how glad I am to have her homeAfter being in Australia for 12 yearsHow great it is to talk to her when ever I want
When we all ready We all like in to my sisters car My Mum and sister in the frontMe and Honey and Lea in the backWe drive to the beachFor a brisk walkAs I watch the dogs running so freely And having a great time I think about how lucky I am to have such amazing dogs And how they have helped me so very muchThey truly are my best friends 
We walk the beachThen head down to the villageWe visit the peace garden Which is so quiet and peacefulWe run our hands along the lavenderAnd cup them around our noses to inhale  the scent We sit on the bench in silence for a few moments And just for that minuteEverything is okAnd exactly how it should be
It's no fluke Or freak of nature that I am the way I amI come from a long line of people who suffer from addiction and mental health issuesThere are six in my familyFour of us have sufferers with these issuesA few years agoAll four of us were in active addictionIt was a living nightmareBut now All four of us are clean and sober and wellAnd that is nothing short of a miracle
Today I am gratefulSo very gratefulFor coming through what I've been throughFor making it out the other sideAlong with my family I am grateful for the lessons I have learned along the wayI am grateful that I live in a country where freedom is a givenAnd I can live the way I want toI am grateful for the people I have in my life My family whose unwavering support has seen me through so many bad timesThe friends who have stood by me through it allI am grateful for the professionals in my life My doctorMaryBredaMy psychiatrist Who have gone above and beyond their duty to help meI am grateful to have two amazing dogs Who are always by my sideAnd have been there for me for the past ten years I am grateful for my healthGiven all I have put my body through I know I am blessed to be as healthy as I amI am grateful for my recovery For my peace of mind For my drive and determination for a better lifeI am grateful that I was hand picked to be in recoveryThat I have a second chance at lifeI am grateful that I have a roof over my headFood in my fridgeAnd a car to drive I am grateful to be part of this communityTo call you all friendsFor you to be part of my storyAnd for me to be part of yoursIt's very easy to cruise alongTaking life for granted But today Today I am really feeling the gratitude They saw to be happy You need to want what you haveNot have what you wantAnd I have a lotMore than a lot of peopleI am so grateful for that 
Here are some pics from today....