For You

A lot has changed for me over the past yearAs I dip my toe in to this thing called recovery My whole life has had a transformation And that includes my blogging and writingI read back on old postsAnd I see a very different girlA girl that was physically and mentally compromisedI lived in what I call Deaths Waiting RoomSome where between life and deathLimboA wishy washy no mans land My writing back then was hopelessI wrote from a really bad placeA place where my ED called the shotsAnd I had little or no control over my lifeIt was a living hellI tell no lie
As I have started to recoverMy writing has changedI'm sure you have noticed tooI'm more positive OptimisticI guess I am no longer existingI am living my life My wayFor the first time in yearsAnd as I tentatively venture in to recoverySo my reading has changed too
Some of the blogs I used to readI can no longerFor a variety of reasonsSome blogs are very triggeringAnd I have to protect myself from thatI hope you understand A lot of the time It's just too upsetting to read about so many of you beautiful girls strugglesI think of all the wonderful people here on bloggerPouring their hearts in to the giant abyss that is the internet The bottomless vacuum that is the World Wide WebIt's overwhelming to think of all these people sufferingAnd so A lot of the time I can't read itI'm hoping you understandIf your blog is one of the blogs I've stopped readingI am truly sorry But as I said I have to protect myself
If you are reading this todayThen post is for youIf you are in recovery If you are thinking about recoveryIf you are fighting the daily battle against this illnessThis post is for youIf you are not in recovery If you can't even contemplate itIf your ED seems too big to conquerIf you are losing hope If you feel utterly lostDesperateThis post is for you
If you are struggling with anorexiaBulimiaEDNOSBinge eating disorder DepressionAnxietyBipolar disorderPersonality disorderOr any other mental health issueThis post is for you
If you are alone in this worldIf you don't have family or friends to turn toIf you feel you have no one This post is for you
If you haven't told anyone about your EDIf you are silently battling your demonsThis post is for you 
If you feel like it's all too muchIf you feel like you can't do thisIf you feel overwhelmed This post is for you 
If you read this blog every dayIf you read sometimes If you just stumbled across it todayThis post is for you
I know that sometimes recovery seems impossibleAnd that there is no point in trying Out EDs can convince us that we are weakAnd we can't do itOur EDs would have us believe that recovery is not an optionI'm here to tell you that recovery is possibleI was at a point in my life Where I thought the only option was deathBecause I would have rather died than live this half life any more I know it seems like my recovery started very suddenlyAnd it did in a lot of waysBut in reality I have been trying to recover for yearsI'm even hesitant to use the word recoveryAs I don't always feel I am in recoveryBut as they say in AAThe only desire for membership is a desire to stop using/drinking 
I just want you to know That there is hopeThere is always hopeI thought I was a lost causeI figured if my addiction didn't kill meThen my ED would The odds were stacked against meAnd I felt I didn't have a chance at life or recovery
So pleaseDon't  give upDon't give inKeep that light in your heart aliveI have seen people at deaths door make a remarkable recoveryWe are never too far gone Never a lost causeYou can do thisYou can have a better lifeI promise you this
Give yourself the greatest giftThe gift of lifeReach out and grab itDon't let it pass you byBecause all too soon This life will be overAnd will have been just a drop in the ocean of historyDon't let your ED take one more year, month, day from youBecause in spite of what she saysShe wants us deadThat is her ultimate goalTo take our livesDon't let her do that Don't let her winThere is nothing glamorous or romantic about starving yourself to deathOr purging do much that you go in to cardiac arrestI was luckyI made it out relatively unscathedBut as you knowEating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness
So pleaseDo itGo for itTake that leap of faithGrab the gift of recovery with both hands And don't let goIt will be worth itI just know it will be