Humor Magazine

Focus on a Football Fatty: Andre Santos

By Footballfatties @footballfatties

Gut, Goals and Gays

Andre Santos

Defending is never really the strong point of defenders from Brazil and André 

Santos certainly fits this stereotype…

Renowned for his attacking rather than defending despite being a left 

back André Santos has already played in 3 continents since he made his 

professional debut in 2004. The bulky left back started his career at Brazilian club 

Figueirense where he came through the youth system.  He stayed there until 

2007 but Santos had loan spells at Flamengo and Atlético Mineiro. At Mineiro 

Santos scored an outstanding 17 goals in 28 matches in Brazil’s second tier, a 

record any striker would be proud of. 

The start to his career was promising and perennial bullshitter Pele 

said that he saw Santos as the next Roberto Carlos in 2003. This wasn’t the curse 

of death on big Santos’ career. Although he seemingly has not lived up to those 

expectations his career has progressed steadily.

André joined Corinthians in 2008 and this move proved vital to his 

career; it saw him converted to an (attacking) left back. At Corinthians the left 

back won 3 trophies including the Copa do Brasil.

July 2009 saw a move to the Asian side of Istanbul with Turkish giants 

Fenerbahçe snapping the Brazilian up for a fee of €9 million. Amazingly then 26 

year old Santos took the place of one Roberto Carlos in the Turkish outfit’s team.  

In Arsene’s Wenger’s spending spree following the Gunners’ thrashing at Old 

Trafford the North London side splashed out £6.2 million on Santos in August of 

last year. At the time some Fenerbahçe fans questioned his loyalty but Santos 

replied by saying  “I love the country, Istanbul and Turkish people. I can come 

back here at the latter stages of my career. I was happy at Fenerbahçe but I did 

right thing for my career.”

Famous Arsenal fan and tweeter Gareth Parker (@GarethDParker on 

twitter) took some time out of his busy schedule to give us these great thoughts 

on Santos at the Gunners: 

“André Clarindo dos Santos, or André Santos to his friends and those 

pressed for time, is a big-boned Brazilian currently playing for Arsenal. He is every 

inch the classical Brazilian footballer, and by that I mean that there are a lot of 

inches.  

When I heard that Arsenal were signing this left back from 

Fenerbahçe I went straight to YouTube for the obligatory ‘scouting’ mission. I 

watched over 15 minutes of his highlights. There was not one tackle. Not one. 

My fears were confirmed when I heard that he had been given the 

number 11 shirt. I am a traditional man, I like my full backs to wear 2 and 3, my 

wingers 7 and 11, and my women to be in the kitchen.  

It wasn’t until 17 September 2011 that I got to have my first look at 

our new “left back” when he made his full debut against Blackburn Rovers. He 

was at fault for all four of Blackburn’s goals. He looked more like a portly kitchen 

porter than a professional footballer. But a kitchen porter with a delicious touch.

Over the next few weeks I watched him play his way into form and 

something approaching fitness. He started to shed some of the pounds, and even 

went as far as occasionally tracking back after a foray forwards. He also showed

us a new form of tackling, a high-risk, head-on, ball-stealing technique.  If 

successful it means he is already on the front foot. It is not always successful.

His Arsenal career to date can be summed up by his performance at 

Stamford Bridge. Occasionally shaky, technically brilliant, regularly out of 

position and always available in the final third. Such as when he appeared in the 

left wing position to calmly slot in his team’s second goal. 

Just as he appeared to be cementing his place in an improving  Arsenal team he suffered an ankle injury against Olympiacos, and wasn’t seen again for three months. My fears that he’d spend his rehabilitation time in Nando’s were unfounded as a surprisingly trim Santos returned to duty. He still has an awkward gait, his shorts are still necessarily XL and he still defends in his own inimitable way… but he does it with such style.To paraphrase the man himself, he’s a verry good player gays! “

Recently Mr Santos has recovered from his ankle injury and is starting to regain his place in the team, although he will face stiff competition from similarly attack minded left back Kieran Gibbs.

Santos has earned 22 caps for Brazil and despite stiff competition from Marcelo and Michel Bastos he played 9 games for Brazil last year under manager Mano Menezes. The prospect of seeing play at his home World Cup is an amusing one is not an exciting one. 

He does need to work on his English but Santos definitely looks like he could well start to nail down a place in the Arsenal team if he can stay injury free, especially in a league where defences can’t really defend that well.


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