After a species of giant python invades the everglades, the obvious choice is for park workers to breed mutant gators to counter the threat. But things start to go very wrong when the megapythons and gatoroids start thrashing it out on the street. Can 80s pop sensations Tiffany and Debbie Gibson save the state of Florida before being savagely massacred? It’s unlikely.
Starring: Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, A. Martinez, Kathryn Joosten, Kevin M. Horton
Directed by: Mary Lambert
Runtime: 91 minutes
Studio: Image Entertainment
Amazon USAmazon UKIMDBReview: Mega Python Vs Gatoroid
When Tiffany was topping the charts with I Think We’re Alone Now back in the eighties you would have been laughed at had you taken her to one side and suggested that nearly twenty-five years later she’d be starring in horror films with large monsters! After starring in Mega Piranha (2010), our Tiffany clearly got a taste for these monster movies and decided the following year to delve into another one. How do you follow up giant man-eating piranhas? How about a big snake and an alligator that kill people and fight each other too?
The film is essentially about two tough-talking women that don’t like each other. In one corner we have Dr Nikki Riley (Debbie Gibson) that steals a group of pythons from a house so they can be released into the wild where they become giant snakes. In the other corner is Park Ranger Terry O’Hara (Tiffany) who has to contend with giant pythons that make short work of the resident alligators as well as Terry’s fiancé Justin (Carey Van Dyke). Terry understandably wants revenge so injects steroids into dead chickens, feeds these to the alligators and in no time you have huge pythons and huge alligators roaming around, killing everything in sight while fighting their own little war in the wild.
Reading that blurb back I do wish it was made up but sadly it is exactly what the film is about. Both Nikki and Terry begin as pretty tough women with different agendas they are passionate about. Nikki’s release of pythons is admirable but for an animal activist you would think she might consider the local wildlife before taking such action. Terry is no better of course. The local ranger sees hordes of alligators killed by the pythons and she gives dispensation to hunters to crack down on the snakes only for her fiancé to be killed. Terry’s revenge is swift but rather than grabbing the nearest gun and hunting snakes herself she decides one giant monster in the wild isn’t so bad, let’s put another one out there as well! How the hell did she become a Ranger in the first place?
What can you say about a film like Mega Python Vs Gatoroid? Have a glance at synonyms under the word “dreadful” and you’ll have an idea how I’d like to describe this. The effects aren’t great, the acting even less so and the monsters seem a mere backdrop to the fight between Nikki and Terri. The crowning moment has to be when they’re wandering together and…wait for it…the immortal words, “I think we’re alone now” and “there doesn’t seem to be anyone around” are uttered. The concluding segment is beyond corny and by the final credits my transition from utter horror and despair to triumph and jubilation was complete because the ordeal was over.
Mega Python Vs Gatoroid slots in nicely with some of the other horror films I’ve seen since starting this blog where the pre-requisites are bad effects and scantily clad women. Sadly these ingredients alone can make lots of money for films, including this one, as opposed to decent acting, a compelling storyline and a well executed script. I enjoy horror films that leave me unnerved, but that’s not the case here. No more of these, Tiffany, please, no more.
Verdict: 1/5
(Film source: reviewer’s own copy)
Film Review: Mega Python vs Gatoroid | Thank you for reading Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dave
