Easter

Hello fellow bloggers and readers
I've been meaning to update here for the last couple of weeksBut am just getting around to it nowLife is busy I am busy I'm in a very different place in my ED and recovery My ED now takes up so little space that it's quite insignificantI don't restrictI don't binge Purging is the exception rather than the normThe only think I am kind upset about Is yes you've guessed itMy weight I don't know what I weigh as I don't weigh myself But I'm pretty sure that I am the biggest I've even been My clothes feel tighter I feel like I take up a lot of space And I am generally quite uncomfortable My diet is not great And I've been eating a lot of junk food And just today a member of my family told me that I am gaining weight My first thought was to starve myself in to submissionThat didn't last long As I don't want to go down that route againBut I do need to do something Not only to lose a bit of weight But to be healthy And to have sufficient energy for all the things I want to doDespite my weight I feel quite happy and content I see Coco every day And he continued to be the highlight of my dayHe is such a funny wee manFull of personality and characterI can't believe how attached I have become to himIt's threee months now since I started to. Is it himHe has gone from being a scared and lonely pony To being relaxed, confident and happyMore often than not my dogs come with me when I visit Coco And they are all good palsIt's so lovely to watch them I am in pure heaven when I'm in the field with them allI can't wait for the weather to improve So I can spend long lazy days over with CocoI can't tell you how much he has helped me in the last three months I now bounce out of bed in the morning Knowing I am going to see himIt gets me out of the houseOut in to the fresh airI've never slept as well as I am at the moment Yes There is no doubt in my mind That pony saved meAnd I saved him too
So The plan with my food Is to cut out the junk for the moment Eat a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner More exercise I must stress This is it a diet As it's not a temporary thing This needs to be my lifestyle My life At the moment I feel bloated and swollen My clothes are straining And I feel very uncomfortable I would like to lose about 15 pounds And I will still be comfortably in the healthy weight for my height category And before you say this sounds dodgyAnd I'm meeting trouble half way I have no desire to be stick thin or underweight I just want to feel good in my skinI just want to be healthy and happy And I'm not being a sucker thinking weight loss will make me happy But I do want to feel comfortably in myself And I don't at the momentBecause I was eating a lot of junk food And no proper food at allIt's no wonder I am gaining And probably lucky I have not gained more I have to say though I am finding junk food much harder to give up than I did cigarettes I guess it's so accessible And the least harmful So it's easier to grab than say a cigarette or a drink or a drugHowever I will persevere As I always do
In other news I have my job back again this summer So I will be starting late May time I have mixed feelings about the jobI'm grateful to have it back again And to be offered it again is fantastic I'm just a bit worried that I will get anxious again And struggle to go in in the morning The way I was with my courseAlso I'm worried I won't see as much of Coco But part of the reason I am working is for himAnd to get him a companion But there will be a cap on how many hours I can do Between 20-24So I'm just hoping and praying that it all goes smoothly As I really enjoyed it last year It was such a lovely place to work And the people were just great Both guests and staffI made friends I made money And it gave me a sense of responsibility When I do something I like to do it right I'm probably a perfectionist at heart But as my sister says Done is better than perfect How true is that?
In other other news My brother published his first novel last month It is called IthacaWe had a great time launching it in style and celebrating his successWe are all very proud of him
I don't know how many of you are still reading and writing I am hoping there are a few of us left I tend to use Facebook more these days As it's quick and easy I don't always have the energy or the inclination to write a whole blog post Not knowing if anyone is reading 
So Thoughts on losing weight in recovery?I'd love to know what you thinkAnswers on a postcard please...