Dublin

Apologies for not replying to yesterday's comments The blogger app on my phone is playing upAnd it won't let me in to my dashboard I could read the comments in my emails But I couldn't reply So sorry about that Thank you thoughI really appreciated your thoughts on the subject of body image It's a tricky one Regaining the weight And everything that comes with that Fear Anxiety UncertaintyThe comments from others It's not easy And then comes the transitionFrom underweight to healthy weightAnd when you have a distorted and skewed body image That can be quite traumatic I guess body image is a fluid thing I know I can feel ok in my skin sometimes And I don't feel big But there are other times when I feel so negatively about my body That I can barely functionToday for instance I feel quite good about how I look And when I say that I mean I don't want to tear the flesh off myself with my bare hands But yesterday I was in Dublin with my DadAnd I felt so uncomfortable in my skin So awkward and not myself at allIt's a horrible feeling To feel such distain against your own body I just have to remember to go by how I feelRather than my clothes size It's not easy But it's the only way that works 
In other news I traveled to Dublin yesterday with my Dad He had an appointment with a consultant neurologist As he seems to be having great difficulty with his hands He has lost a lot of power in them The muscle is wasting awayAnd it seems to be spreading up his arms I had an early startAnd was up at 5amI drive the half hour in to town uThen walked 15mins to the train stationTo catch the 7am train I met my Dad in his home town And he joined me on the train at about 8 15amWe arrived in Dublin at 10 amThe hospital is in the north side of the city So we quickly found our bus stop And headed off The bus stopped right outside the hospitalWe found the right place And settled down to waitThankfully It wasn't a long waitAnd my Dad was in and out in about hAlf an hourBecause we were finished so early We decided to try and make the lunch time train homeI was eager to get out of the city As it was there that I did a lot of my using And everywhere I lookI see old haunts and placed I used to frequent We cut it pretty fine But we made the 1pm trainAnd I was back home by 5 pmDad has to go back up to Dublin for tests So there might be another trip on the horizonI don't mind going with him thoughHe often did it for me
I also got some exciting news yesterday My blog was voted one of the best eating disorder blogs of 2016 by HealthlineIf you check out their website you will see all the blogs They are all worth a visit This is the fourth year in a row that my blog has been included in Healthlines top blogs And it is truly an honour I am so happy to know that my blog is making a difference That it's going in some small way to help fight the battle against EDs and addictionI remember writing not too long ago That items a sad fact that my virtual life was more exciting than my real life I had nothing in my real life No purpose No reason for being I had my family and my dogs And that is amazing But I needed more And now that need is being met I feel so grateful to be in a good place now I just wish I could break off a piece of what I hAve And give it to you I want to share with everyone what I have found out That there is a life beyond EDs and addictionThere is hope And there is so much more to life We don't have to suffer There is a way out For a long time I didn't believe thatBut now I know differently Life is to be enjoyed Not endured Same goes for recovery I am so glad to be moving onGrowing up It's a miracle My MiracleAnd I promise you it's there for you tooYou just have to take that first leap of faithDo itYou won't regret it Not even a tiny bit