Dublin

As I write thisI am sitting on a trainWith my MotherHeading for DublinDublin is on the east coast of the countryAnd I live on the west coastSo it's quite a journeyFirst we have a half hour drive from our house to the train stationThen a three hour train journey to the capitalWe tend to go to Dublin a couple of times a yearTo see friends Do a bit of shopping Or just for a day outDublin features in my life quite oftenI moved her after school with friendsAnd works here for a while I also frequented Dublin when I was in active addiction So it is an old haunt for meIt's also where I went to treatment For both drugs and my EDSo coming to Dublin brings back a lot of memories for meSome good Some not so good 
The last time I was in Dublin was this time last yearWhen I met up with a couple of girls from treatment We had a lovely day going for lunchShoppingAnd catching upThe girls I went to treatment with have a special place in my heartAnd I love to meet up with them when I canBut yesDublin has bitter sweet memories for meI first moved there with three friends in the year 2000We rented a two bedroom flat on the south side And I found work as a receptionist for a quantity surveying companyI didn't realize at the timeBut my job was cushy I basically had to turn up and just be there To answer the phone and direct callsThe money was good We often went out for lunch and dinnerAll paid by the company And the people were lovelyBut it was around this time that my drug use began to spin out of controlI was fighting with my flat matesMissing days off work I can remember going to bed one Sunday eveningAnd I didn't wake up until Tuesday afternoonI was falling quickly in to addiction I left my job And moved out of the flat I went home to my boyfriend And my life began to spin out of control
Over the next few years I was up and down to Dublin regularly Constantly on buses Going to the capital to get drugs At first I was with my boyfriend all the timeSo I felt safe enoughBut then After a while I was all in my own It was dicey Me A young girl from the country up in the big smoke messing with the wrong crowdI had no defenceAnd was taken advantage of many timesI can remember having to ring the freephone number in order to find a bed in a hostel for the nightBecause I had no where else to stayI can remember overdosing and my 'friends' running off and leaving me for dead Only for the kindness of strangers I would have most likely died on the streetI can remember one incident in particular I was hanging around with a guy I had met We went to his flat And injected heroin and dalmane (sleeping tablet)I overdosed And was in a bad way I remember this guy putting me in the shower to wake me up The he put me to bed And made me tea and toast I left when I felt betterBut a few days later I went to call back to his flat A girl answered with kidsAnd said no one of that name lived thereIt was really strangeAs I was at the same flatI never saw or heard from that guy again I don't even know if he really existed
In 2004I spent six months in treatment in Dublin for my addiction It was here that I admitted that I also had an EDI relapsed within weeks of being homeThen in 2007I went to treatment for my ED for the first timeIt was nothing short of horrificWe were all made sit at our mealsThe staff gave us our portionsAnd we had to sit there until we had eaten everything It didn't matter if you didn't like a certain foodYou had to eat everythingThat stint ended in disaster when staff found out that I had an addiction problemThey promptly discharged meIt was awful
The next time I went to treatment was in the countries top psychiatric hospitalWhich has an ED programmeBut this was no typical psych hospitalThis place was lovely You had your own room with ensuiteIt was really comfortable and homely For people with either a lot of money or good insurance Thankfully I had the latter All in all I've been in and out of this hospital five timesI never managed to reach my goal weightOr even finish the programmeFor me Inpatient treatment did not workBeing surrounded by other girls Who were very illAnd often underweight Was not conducive to my recoveryI always did better recovering from home 
So yes Dublin has featured in my life a lot over the years I do find it quite difficult to come back hereAs I often get triggered The sights My old stomping ground The smell the from the Guinness brewery that always reminds me of heroinSeeing addicts on the streetPlaces where I used to score It can be overwhelmingAnd I make it a rule not to come here alone I do need the security of having someone there If only just to be thereI know that my addiction can creep up on meAnd hit me right between the eyesI can't become complacent Which I have a tendency to doBut I will do my best to enjoy todayMy Mum and I are going to hit the shops As my Mum wants to buy a new coatAnd so do I It's great to go to Dublin for the shopsAs there is not a great selection where I live But I am on a budgetSo I will have to shop carefully 
Anyway We are nearly in Dublin nowSo I will sign offAnd give you a proper update tomorrowUntil then....