Self-worth should not be measured in pounds.
I say it all the time; we are no more or less worthy of love and respect from ourselves or other people regardless of what the scale says. However, so many of us judge ourselves on how much we weigh, as if our weight dictates the kind of people that we are and as the number rises, our value lowers.
Well, that’s bullshit.
Our weight is just our weight and has nothing to do with who we are as human beings and for many people, weight can fluctuate quite regularly.
Here’s the thing:
In my opinion, it is never okay to make assumptions about a person’s life based on how heavy or thin they may appear to you. Oftentimes, a change in weight can indicate a transitional time in a person’s life when they are going through changes that are affecting them emotionally as well as physically. I’m learning that the human body is pretty complex in that in can sometimes react to emotional life events or stressful situations in ways that seem to make no sense at all.
The point is, pointing out someone’s weight change is never a good idea. It’s an especially bad idea when the person you are talking to has/ had an eating disorder. I usually talk about the way we judge people who have gained weight, but I need to change that for a second. While people are hesitant to say a word when a friend or colleague has gained a few pounds, they seem to have no problem mentioning weight loss. I’m not sure why that is.
BUT…IF you know someone who has battled issues with their weight and you see a change in them, either way, understand a few things:
- If you noticed it, they’ve noticed it to and don’t need it to be brought to their attention or made a focal point of discussion.
- Making somebody feel insecure because they’ve lost weight can be just as dangerous as making them feel uncomfortable about gaining it.
- You’re setting them up for disaster. What happens if they start to regain some weight and you see them and say, “Hey, you’ve gained weight. You look great!”?
What they’ll hear is, “Hey, you’ve gained weight!” and that is just not productive.
- If you’re a close friend and you are genuinely concerned, you get a pass. It’s okay to check in and make sure they are taking care themselves. If you’re not a good friend then saying, “You need to eat a sandwich! or You look like a bone rack”, will just get them to do what they have battled their whole lives NOT to do, which is worry about how they look. If you’re worried about them, ask how they’re feeling, not how much weight they’ve lost.
- Our lives change, our moods change and our bodies change. I’m learning this every day. Everybody’s process is different, everybody’s experience is different, everybody’s coping skills are different. The one thing we all have in common is the idea that we want to be respected and accepted for who we are and not judged for who others think we should be.
Don’t be a weight watcher.
