Answered on Quora.
I am familiar with a sex researcher who studied male college students. He found the degree of femininity in their behavior correlated well with their sexual orientation.
Men with mildly feminine behaviors reported minor levels of gay attraction (they were basically straight). As their degree of femininity increased, they reported higher and higher levels of gay attraction. At the far end, a few men (4%), were strongly gay (0–100 to 20–80 where 0–100 is pure gay) and these men were the most feminine, or actually effeminate, of them all.
The correlation is not perfect, and we have all met faggy straight men and mannish straight women, but their numbers are few. I would estimate that ~3% of straight men are effeminate, whereas I would guess ~70–75% of gay men were. That’s a strong correlation.
I am going to go out on a limb here. What do you mean by androgynous?
Because to me, androgynous for a man means a very strong masculine side and a strong feminine side. Think Mick Jagger.
An androgynous woman would have a very strong feminine side and a strong masculine side. Think of the Runaways.
However, most people use androgynous in a man to mean a man who acts completely effeminate and in a woman to mean a woman who is completely masculine.
It sounds like you are heterosexual, have an androgynous nature about which we know little, and do not wish to become a lesbian. Well, good for her. A straight man applauds you. One more for our team.
However, I would ask you if you have any residues of femininity in her that she can dredge up and maybe work with? Because a very butch or dykey straight woman is just going to seem weird. You are going to get people thinking you are lesbian all the time, and after a while, you will start getting really sick of it and get pretty mad about it. I know a straight female car mechanic in this bind right now. She’s getting sick of people thinking she’s a lesbian!
Look, I will be straight up. Straight men simply do not like excessively butch, masculine or dykey straight women. We acknowledge that they are straight, but their lack of femininity is a massive turnoff to us. They just seem weird. And if we date them, we feel gay because it feels like we are out with another man. Straight men hate to feel gay. They will go anything to avoid that feeling.
I think it’s great that you have a strong masculine side! Good for you. I’ve got a damn strong feminine side myself.
But the more feminine side you mix in with that masculine side, the more you will be accepted in the straight world, and the more men will like you.
Feminine behaviors in a woman is what turn on straight men’s sex drive. Masculine behavior in a woman generally shuts down men’s sex drives.
Here’s hoping you can work this out some way or another at some point in the future and then move on to other things because this particular line of thinking (I am straight but I act gay) and the worry associated with it is a very painful way to think.
In my counseling practice, I have met some men and women with this problem, and they were extremely miserable. One or two were suicidal.
It’s an ugly rabbit hole to be in and I would say the sooner this gets cleared up for you, the happier you will be.
