Please tell me I am not the only one that says and does stupid things. Like, REALLY stupid things. Yes, I’ve always been this way, but I think it is getting worse with age. Or, that is my excuse.
This morning at Starbucks I am waiting in line, thinking about getting an egg sandwich. I wanted it, but I only wanted it if it had cheese on it.
Barista: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, I’d like an egg, sausage and cheddar sandwich.
Barista: Okay. Is that all?
Me: Ummm…yeah, but does that sandwich have cheese on it?
Barista: Uh…yeah, well…that’s what the CHEDDAR is.
Seriously, if I had been that barista I would have screamed at me and said, “You dumb ass, do you not know cheddar is cheese? ” Starbucks must train their employees to not laugh and smirk at people, but just do it behind their backs when they leave.
I tried to make some excuse about being tired or not having enough caffeine yet, but both of those were lies. I just have to admit I am stupid at times and there seems to be very little I can do about it.
Prior to the cheddar incident, I had a very important job:
QUEEN OF THE AID STATION (with my friends Kathy and Nicky). It sucks to live in such a devastatingly ugly place.
Yes, those cups are filled in precise amounts and placed exactly 1” apart in even rows on the table. It’s called the OCD water station.
Me and my dear friend Nicky. She is as crude as I am.
In this picture we are laughing because I just told her a story about a queef.
Every year our community has the Happy Smackah 5K race to benefit someone in our town who needs a bit of extra help. You might remember this started two years ago when my son’s teacher, Mr. Cribby, almost died very suddenly from an infection. He ended up losing his left arm and shoulder. That year, he had just gotten out of the hospital, and we had the race for him. This year he ran the race. This guy is amazing.
The reason the race is called the Happy Smackah is that Mr. Cribby is from Maine. A Happy Smackah (derived obviously from the term “Smacker”) is someone who:
- Lives with a positive attitude
- Lives a no nonsense, no excuses life
- Takes joy in life’s little treasures
- Doesn’t know what cheddar cheese is (I added that part in)
This year, the proceeds are going to a local school custodian who has been diagnosed with stage 3 colon and rectal cancer. Over 500 people ran today! Shut Up + Run was lucky enough to be a sponsor. Can you find it on the back of the shirt?:
It was such a gorgeous and warm day, we were actually a bit stressed out at the aid station with all of the activity. I love being on the other side of a race, cheering people on. Like my children:
I did not give Sam permission to take off his shirt. But, I think he was hoping the ladies were impressed. As his mother I was very impressed, especially at how pale he is.
Not to get all gushy, but days like today when I am out there with my friends and family, the sun is shining, I am laughing at stories about queefs and we are doing it all to help someone – I truly am a Happy Smackah.
Tell me about your most recent stupid-ism. Just so I know I’m in good company.
When’s the last time you volunteered at a race? What are you waiting for?
SUAR
