Damage Limitation

Thank you allFor your feedback and support after my last postI guess it was only a matter of time before The Boy reared his head againI was just coasting alongHappy as LarryThinking all was wellAnd then I got that phone callIt really threw meEspecially knowing that my ex boyfriend is now around tooWhen I'm outMy heart stops when I see a green jeepAnd there are many green jeeps around hereSo it makes for interesting times when I'm out and about
Several people contacted me yesterday to tell me to block The Boys numberI keep going to do this But something stops meI guess there is part of me that wants to know that he wants to see meIf that makes senseIt's twisted thinking I knowBut then that's me all over
As I said yesterdayI haven't told my sister or my motherAs I don't want to worry themBut in actual factMy sister read my blogSo she knowsAnd is doing my head in about itWe had a fight last nightBecause I don't want to talk about itI don't really see the pointI know what I need to doAnd I am trying to do it
I saw Breda yesterdayMy addiction counsellorI told her about the phone callShe was helpfulAnd made some good suggestionsIt was good to talk it over with someone who is not directly involvedAnd can give an objective perspectiveShe is trying to help me build up my confidenceAnd self esteemBack in JanuaryWhen I relapsed I had no resistance against the drugAnd when it was put in front of meI didn't have the strength to say noBut this time I have some recovery behind meI feel strongerMore stableMore secureI have the capability And the strength to say noAnd that's down to the work I've done over the last couple of monthsIt just goes to showHow much the meetings help
Breda asked me how I felt about knowing these two guys were so close byAnd what they were doingI had to admitIt does play on my mind a little bitSometimes I go to the dark sideAnd I start thinking that they're having a great ol' timeDrinking poppy teaSmoking weed And generally getting messed upAnd out of their headsThen I start thinking that I am missing outThen I start to resent my familyBecause they're the reason I can't useThen I get really angry And lash out at my familyI have to keep reminding myself Of where I will be if I contact these guysAnd useI have to remember of where that life will bring meThe damage it will causeThe devastationThe heartacheThen I remember that I want a better life for myselfThat I want to be clean and soberI really do
So noI don't feel like I am missing outThey are the ones who are missing out They are missing out on their whole livesAt least I am trying to forge a new life for myselfA better lifeAnd as hard as it is to choose to live in realityI stand by my decision