D is for Drugs

Ok I'm back on track for the A-Z ChallengeToday D is for DrugsAs you may know In another life In a parallel universe I was addicted to drugsIn my teens I dabbled with all the usual suspects And at 18 I took heroin for the first time I was instantly hookedThe thing about drugs Is that at first, it's funFor meI can still remember fondly the first time I took heroin I felt like I had finally found something that helped me be myself It gave me confidence It helped me feel like I belongedLike I finally fitted inI felt untouchable Invincible Happy Like a was in a safe cocoon And nothing could hurt meOf course The honey moon period does not last And I soon found myself in the murky underworld that is addictionI spent years trying to recreate that first time I used But it was never the same Now I was using to not go in to withdrawalJust to feel normalI became an expert liarA proficient thiefAnd a master manipulator I hurt the ones I love the most I ripped my family apart I left a trail of destruction in my wake It was a nightmare And I couldn't get out For a long time I didn't want to get out
For most of my addictionI was with my ex boyfriend You often see couples in addiction together Because no matter how bad things got We still had each other No matter how low we sankWe still had each otherBut for the last couple of years of my addiction I was on my ownIt was hell I was a young girl in a big city Alone Afraid Vulnerable I was taken advantage of many many times And there was nothing I could do about it My addiction was cyclical Drugs Treatment Methadone Get clean Drugs Treatment Methadone...On and on it went For a long time I didn't want to get clean I just wanted the drug I spent a lot of time in treatment and hospital But always relapsed spectacularlyI was even frog marched over to London To do a detoxAnd yo have any opiate blocker implant fitted Which meant if I used It would have no effect It was supposed to last six months But for me It lasted a lot longer And it didn't stop me using I just used other drugs 
My last slip was last year Remember The Boy And the poppy tea?That lasted about a monthBut caused so much hurt to my family I never used to count my clean time But I have started now And February 14th was day one As far as drugs are concerned I am quite stable As I wrote yesterdayI still get horrendous cravings every now and then But I now know how to handle themAnd I know they will pass I can't say I will never use again As I don't know what the future holdsBut I do know that I won't use today I will stay well today I will be a good person today
When ever I tell someone about my past addictions People are really surprised I guess I am not your typical addict And that helped keep me out of trouble over the years I suppose everyone has a story to tell And this is mine