Curiosity Killed the Cat

It seems that a lot of us are struggling at the moment
I read blog after blog and people are really hurting
It truly breaks my heart
And it makes me so angry
Angry at anorexia and bulimia
They are poison
They poison our bodies and our minds and turn our worlds upside down and inside out
The leave a trail of destruction and hurt and pain in their wake
When I read a blog about someone who is just at the start of their eating disorder career it makes me so sad
Sad because I know the misery that lies ahead
It makes me want to shout at them 'Stop!! Stop Now!, Stop before it's too late!!'
I really want to make them see that this is a path they don't want to go down
But I know it's pointless to try and tell someone
They have to experience it for themselves
I've always been someone who has to learn the hard way
Heck, even the horrors of heroin addiction didn't scare me off
I had to do it to find out for myself
Even if someone had spelled out exactly how my life would turn out I still would've done it
As the saying goes 'Curiosity killed the cat'
My ED kind of started accidentally
I didn't seek it out
Anorexia was not on my radar
I wasn't weight conscious
I wasn't trying to lose weight
In fact for the first few years I had anorexia I actually had no idea I had it
I was barely 80 pounds and I had no clue
I figured I was this way because I was on drugs
When doctors first told me I had anorexia I was in major denial
I could barely handle that fact I was a drug addict never mind and eating disorder
It wasn't until I went to drug treatment for the first time that I finally admitted it
There was another girl there called Anna
We became firm friends fast
She had anorexia/bulimia and I could relate to her so much
She gave me the courage to admit that I had a problem but it was really difficult to come to terms with
At the time numbers meant nothing to me
It wasn't until doctors started weighing me that I began to take notice
The numbers seemed important to them so they became important to me
And now numbers rule my life
Any loss is a triumph
Any gain is crushing
Fast forward 13 years and my life is unrecognisable
Anorexia and bulimia have slowly worn me down over the years
Chipped away at my confidence
Eroded my self esteem
Stamped on my spirit
They have all but broken me
Left me a shell of a person with a cold brittle body
My health is failing rapidly
 Everytime I stand up I see stars
The floor tries to pull me down face first
Energy is non existent
Everything is an effort
Most of the time all I can do is lie down
I have no doubt that my ED wants me dead
And I have no doubt it wants you dead
A slow painful death
She will stop at nothing to break you down until all you are is skin and bone
My life today is nothing you could  call normal
I look 10 years younger than I really am
I guess I have never really grown up
I've stayed the age I was when I developed my ED
I don't work
I don't go to college
I don't have any friends left
One by one they have all left or I have pushed them away
I don't have a boyfriend
I live with my mother
My ED has stolen all this from me
Taken the life I could have had
I has taken me hostage and the ransom is my life
It's just the way it is
Part of me is resigned to the fact that this is just the way things are
That I can't change
I'm losing hope that I will ever recover
That I can get well
Piece together some semblance of a life
Some sort of sanity
Peace of mind
I'm slipping
Slipping fast
Someone catch me
Please